Wednesday, September 17, 2014

What Would You Tell A New Widow?

I posed this question two weeks ago, and when I read what a widow friend in North Carolina wrote .... well, I think you'll love it too:
Ferree asks: What is one thing you would tell a new widow?

Beth says: Just one thing? That’s too hard. First, I would ask questions about everything and let her talk as much as she wanted and needed.
Then I would be totally honest, no sugar-coating . . . this journey is tough!
I would tell her that her grief is as individual as her personality and not to compare it with anyone else’s. Cry as MUCH as she needs and wants to – it is perfectly acceptable, and laugh – that is o.k. too! What was once “normal” will not be, but one day she will get accustomed to the new “normal”.
Don’t feel pressure to find someone new and remarry unless the Lord is leading her in that direction.
Find support either through a widows group on FB that is secure, but better yet, someone “real,” someone around the same journey time and also, someone farther along – balance.
Then I would share these two things.

First a quote I absolutely love:
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. ~ Washington Irving ~

Secondly, one of my favorite verses:
The LORD watches over the alien, and sustains (gives support or relief to, nourishes, carries, bears up under) the fatherless and the widow... ~ Psalm 146:9a ~
Then I would just hold her hand or put my arm around her and be quiet.
I wish all widows could have a friend like Beth, don't you?

(Copyright 2014 by Beth Kopti)


  1. Yes! Thanks for sharing Beth. The person who helped me the most in those early days of widowhood was a widow of only two months. She let me talk and she had tears with me and she knew what I meant when I said...I missed him holding my hand. This is a tough journey!

  2. Those are words of wisdom. I think I would also tell her not to try to be an over achiever by doing too much too soon or by setting time limits on grief. Grief sometimes lasts longer than we anticipate, but the pain won't remain as intense as in the beginning.

  3. Beautiful and oh so true.

    In grieving one has to just go with the flow of it. We are all different.

    It takes time to get into your new normal, and tears still come when you least expect them. Life will never be what it was, but we still have a lot of living to do and with God being our strength we will get through each new day. We will find joy in life again too.



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