PORCHLIGHT: Finding Our Way Home

**Let's Talk About Church**

Bridgett said it so well on her blog last Wednesday:
"I'm far from alone at church, but it's where I feel lonely more than anywhere else. I miss walking into the building as a family of five, having help dropping off and picking up the boys in their Sunday School rooms, sitting next to someone during the service and talking about the message on the way home. I even miss being a passenger in our truck! I may look and sound okay, but my heart is still hurting."

Can you relate? I know I could. I found being alone in a crowd of people was one of the loneliest spots on earth. But something about being alone in church was another degree of separation. I haven't quite put my finger on it.

I've gotten to know Bridgett a bit, and I don't think you have to worry that she'll leave her church. She's not really looking for sympathy or encouragement, she was just kind enough to share her honest feelings. Last week she helped with a great week of VBS and she wouldn't quit her church for anything! But the question is this: have you felt the same way? Other widows do.

On Widow Connection website I read, "Approximately fifty percent of widows will leave the church they attended as a couple." The author also said, "loneliness is not descriptive enough of the space that becomes the cocoon of the widow."

What is it about church? At a time we so desperately need the fellowship and the spiritual feeding, why is it a struggle to attend?

Help us all navigate this "new normal" by sharing your experiences. You'll be a great help and encouragement in letting others know they're not alone!

Has your church attendance changed or stayed the same since your husband died? Tell about the difference, or please tell why it hasn't changed.

Thanks! ♥ ferree

(Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/rxmflickr/)

Cooking for One

Do all your recipes say Serves 4-6? Are you tired of eating leftovers?

This author says, ". . . preparing meals for one doesn't have to be complicated or time-consuming. In fact, it's a great opportunity to pamper yourself."

Did she say pamper? This could be good! Why not check it out at your local library?

On Tuesdays this blog deals with Single Living Skills to help you adjust to this new life. So send in your handy household tips, recipes, directions for plunging the toilet and all the other "fun" stuff you get to do now. They can be serious and of actual help, or you can vent a little, since I'm sure you might need to after mowing the lawn, changing the oil and or putting worms on your kids fishing pole! Help out other widows by sending in your favorite recipes, too. Email me at wcplace@gmail.com Thank you!
 ♥ ferree

Magical? NOT!

Several months ago I picked up the book entitled, The Year of Magical Thinking, by Joan Didion. A quick look at the promo copy told me it was about a widow and her triumph during the first year after her husband died. Additionally, their (adult) daughter was in critical care in a coma. I thought I could learn something from this lady with such severe trials. And, I did. I learned how truly sad and hopeless is the existential philosophy. It's like a heavy sack of sadness on your shoulder. No wonder Jesus said, "My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
There were interesting insights in The Year of Magical Thinking, though. On page 60 she noted lecturer Philippe Ariès, and wrote the following: ". . . beginning about 1930 there had been in most Western countries and particularly in the United States a revolution in accepted attitudes toward death. ‘Death,’ he wrote, ‘so omnipresent in the past that it was familiar, would be effaced, would disappear. It would become shameful and forbidden.’ The English social anthropologist Geoffrey Gorer, in his 1965 Death, Grief, and Mourning, had described this rejection of public mourning as a result of the increasing pressure of a new ‘ethical duty to enjoy oneself,’ a novel ‘imperative to do nothing which might diminish the enjoyment of others.’ In both England and the United States, he observed, the contemporary trend was ‘to treat mourning as morbid self-indulgence, and to give social admiration to the bereaved who hide their grief so fully that no one would guess anything had happened.’”

If you can wade through that professorial prose, did you find such social attitudes true during your mourning process? Were you admired for "being so strong," and chided to "move along," or "get over it already" when you looked a little sad?

Does this information help you understand why people around you urge you to enjoy yourself, or get impatient if the sight of your sorrow is a damper to their personal pleasure? (Think about this in public context, perhaps your work or school culture, not among your close Christian friends whom I assume know you and know your Hope better).

A lot of heady questions today! But sometimes it helps to be a little analytical about this. I look forward to your comments. Here's what we should ponder:

When someone says "You're so strong," or "Are you STILL feeling sad?" could it be that they are victims of our Western pleasure-only oriented culture?
When you are sort of putting on your game face--shall we say trying to look stronger than you actually feel--are you a victim of our Western pleasure-only oriented culture?
Do you feel a little guilty or self-indulgent to give in to mourning?
Has the church, or have Christian people adopted the values of our pleasure-seeking world? I'm not saying it's wrong to be happy, nor am I saying depression is healthy, I'm simply wondering if we seek happiness more than we seek truth and honesty.

In the meantime, remember Solomon's words: "The heart of the wise in in the house of mourning. but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure." Eccesiastes 7:4 

Let mourning do its work; it won't last forever and you will gather rich wisdom as you journey through.

I Peter 1:6 says this: "So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while."

♥ ferree

(Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/biggreymare/)

Strength Through Christ

Dear Reader,

You can DO all things through Christ, but that doesn't mean you have to BE all things to everyone else. Trying to be everything to everyone will wear you out faster than you can climb a mountain

Make sure one of the things on your "to do" list this weekend is REST.

"I can REST through Christ who strengthens me." (Think about it).

Rest and be blessed,
♥ ferree

Friday Funnie: How to Bathe A Cat

This method should only be tried by fully insured, paid professionals. (author unknown)

How to Bathe A Cat

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet. Lift both lids.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid so he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any body parts too close to the edge, as his claws will be reaching out for anything they can find.
5. Flush the toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which is quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no innocent children between the toilet and the outside.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The newly-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely,
A Dog Owner
                                                                                                  
Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ruthhb/

Book Worms Unite!

First of all I have to tell you it's kind of like the old Reese's Peanut Butter Cup ad. Do you remember?
Two characters are walking along, one is spooning pb out of a jar, the other is munching his chocolate candy bar and daydreaming about how good it is when WHAM!--they bump into each other--major collision! They both get all huffy about it.

Big guy 1: You got chocolate in my peanut butter!
Big Guy 2: No! YOU got peanut butter in my chocolate!

That's what happened to me today! If only it could have been with a Reese's Cup!
Here's what collided for me:

Big idea 1: What books to order from CBD so I can be a well-read blogger?
Big idea 2: What sort of resource for widows should I put together today?

Result: You got books in my widows!
           No! You got widows in my books!

So how about a sort of book club?!! Over the past months I've already mentioned several books as widows resources, I've traded titles with some of you, we've got some writers and authors in our midst . . . Sounds like a great group!

Here's what to do. Just suggest some Christian books in any of these 4 categories:

• Grief for children and teens
• Grief for adults/Christian living
• Widowhood
• Heaven  

Then I'll feature at least one book a month. I'll let you know what the title will be way ahead of time so you can read it if you want, and then it'll be great to hear your thoughts! We'll want to know what you liked, what you didn't like, if you'd recommend it . . .

In a different vein, if you're interested in reading classics, here's a great radio book club lead by one of my favorite profs from Moody Bible Institute in Chicago, Dr. Rosalie de Rosset: http://www.moodyradio.org/brd_ProgramMainPage.aspx?id=7058

Their next on-air discussion will take place in September 2010, "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn," by Betty Smith. It's not too soon to check it out from your public library and start reading.

In the meantime, please send me your list of most helpful books you've read, or send Reese's. Just don't send Reese's with bookworms. Thanks!
♥ ferree

PS. Here's a recipe for peanut butter cups http://angelsinmygarden.blogspot.com/2010/06/reeses-peanut-butter-twins.html