Monday, September 29, 2014


"I would have never guessed you were in such pain when I saw you walk in here," the physical therapist said to me on Friday.

For weeks I've been hoping my back would get better by itself. But finally, about 3 weeks ago I made a doctor's appointment. When I got in to see him the following week he referred me to physical therapy (which took another week to schedule). In the meantime I had laundry to do, furniture to rearrange, cat food to bend over and refill, a dishwasher to empty and reload, groceries to pick up, etc etc etc. You know the routine. My back mildly protested and then ramped up and started with stop-me-in-my-tracks-and-get-some-help muscle spasms.

I need to listen and attend to it better now---sound familiar? I'm sure we all have stuff we hope will go away if we ignore it. What sort of things are trying to get your attention?

I know that this fall many Bible studies and grief groups begin. In many ways they'll be to your grief what my physical therapy will be to my sore back.
  • We'll probably feel worse before we feel better, but we've got to give it 3 or 4 weeks before we can expect to see some progress. Healing can hurt! But the pain won't last forever.
  • Doing nothing will not make the problem go away. 
  • We'll need to follow through with what they prescribe. For me that'll be a back brace, ice packs, very little sitting at the computer. etc, etc.... For you that'll be patience, surrender, honesty, crying spells and asking God and other people for help, etc, etc...
  • But most importantly, we've got to begin.
Today let's talk about what you're doing, and/or what you've done to seek help with the PAIN of grief.

My computer time is up for now, but I'll check back throughout the day and hope to see your comments to add. One of the best things we can do for ourselves, whether it's back pain or grief pain, is to admit it to ourself and to seek help. So I'd love to hear how you're doing that with your grief. Your comments will help both yourself and others.


  1. I have had both back and grief pain . I have been blessed with loving church family and loving family. Today I am just tired . thought bug man was coming to spray so I talked myself out of going to pool exercise at fitness center. now remember bug man is coming tomorrow . I get your email and enjoy it so much . It sure helps to know t hat other people have their ups and downs also. I stay busy and sometimes don't rest . I feel lazy when I sit around the house.

  2. I hope that the pain begins to subside soon, Ferree. You do so much for others. Now take care of yourself. We would miss your blog posts, but if necessary cut down the number of days you post at least for awhile.

  3. Hi- Ferree - Do hope and pray you are not out of commission for too long and you're feeling back to normal :-) soon. Noticed the smiley face; meaning unsure of what normal is. It has been said "normal is only the setting on our clothes dryer, nothing more". :-)

    As you said "doing nothing" will not make the pain go away - I've heard Doctors say " all we can do now is pray" as if prayer were a last alternative.

    C.S. Lewis's book "The Problem With Pain" said....
    "God whisper's to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts to us in our pain. Pain is God's megaphone to gain our attention to a deaf world.

    Nothing gets our attention any more than physical pain and/or the pain and grief of a broken heart and shattered spirit. My greatest comfort and strength has been God's truths and promises and the love and kindness from friends and sometimes kindnesses that have come unexpectedly from strangers.

    Praying you recover soon and one other question....
    Did you do this just for attention? ha -

    lol and God Bless

  4. Yikes! Sounds all too familiar. I feel your pain, literally. I do so hope that you get to feeling better soon. I have two herniated discs on my lower right side and fibromyalgia, so I really can sympathize, I too have had to do PT. My sis thinks I may have hashimotos

  5. disease as well, but I have yet to be tested for that. But to answer your question about what I have and am doing for my grief. I went through GriefShare twice. Currently I am going through re:generation.

  6. I also see a LCSW once a week as well as a Hope Minister. re:generation

    At some level, we all experience brokenness. At re:generation, we believe people can experience growth and new life by working through the healing path God has given us in the Bible. The mission of this biblically-based program is to call all people to be fully devoted followers of Christ. Our experience and prayer is that you will find healing.

  7. Oh, and I finally got a job! Thank God for answered prayer. More about that on Lifeboat though, not enough room here.

  8. I feel your pain! Last fall I had sciatica and had to go to DisneyWorld using a cane! Couldn't miss that trip with my son's family. Finally cured it with prayer, yoga and time. So now I stretch every night to prevent it. I'm also working on the pain of widowhood by doing a lot with the grandkids and volunteering at church. I joined the sewing/knitting group and we are making quilts and baby hats for charity. Also belong to a weekly women's Bible study and work in the church library. Hope you find healing soon. You don't want to have to use a cane. A humbling experience for sure!

  9. Thanks for the comments and keep them coming please, they're wonderful. I appreciate the sympathy and advice for myself too. And Sharon, I probably will cut back some blogging days, at least temporarily. Marcia---I admire your determination with the cane, and I'm so glad it's past you now. I doubt anyone wants to see me with a cane as I'm sure they'd be calling me Ms. Cranky Pants, lol.

  10. Fibromyalgia is a constant I have experienced for many years and which some day I pray for the condition to vanish completely or at least be greatly diminished. It is extremely fatiguing as well. Yet, it has given me the knowledge as to when and how to rest during the worst days so that I may enjoy the good days and times in my life. It has served me during my grief by knowing that resting does not equate to lazziness. I believe it is the idea of continuous activity that may indeed cause the physical body to rebel. To be quiet and wait on the Lord has been my most valuable lesson in my time of grief. It afforded me time to read and know the Bible and learn from its words. I have learned that my pain and fatigue will not kill me, but rather, provides a means for me to simply stop physical activity as needed, knowing that my strength does return to do the things that need doing and enjoy the things I also want to do. I am blessed to be retired from nursing and had been jubliant when I did leave the workplace not knowing that soon I would lose my husband, mother, and brother in that order. Retirement plans were dashed and replaced with the raw emotional pain of grief. I have learned so very much from pain through my own suffering, but, as someone wrote, " would be nicer to learn from experiencing joy, instead of suffering pain". So until then, I deal with pain by refusing to let it weaken me, at least spiritually. P.S. My retirement years have since revealed new ways for me enjoy and accept life as it comes.

  11. I've taken much of your advice to heart. Here's my advice, but first some background as to why I might be qualified to give advice: I'd been doing the chiropractor thing for about 5 years, but after the birth of my third and last child, I bottomed out. The chiropractor didn't help, nothing did! My worst day, I had to kneel on the floor and drag my 6 month old out of the crib and down my body and crawl, dragging him by his onesie to get to a place I could sit and feed him because my back wouldn't let me walk and hold him. That's when I decided that I was done with the pain and would do anything to fix it. I was 28 when I had a 3 level fusion in my lower back, and the doctor told my husband that he didn't know how I'd walked in that morning. Men!! I had 3 kids and a husband and house to care for! I didn't have time for pain! So here's my advice to you! Get it fixed! Find a good, well-respected doctor, and work hard in PT! Good luck with your back; I pray surgery won't be needed.

  12. Carla C and Sheila, I'm taking your advice to heart! It's wonderful and gives me help and hope. hugs to you (but not too tight)

  13. I hope you are feeling better. Sometimes my mantra is, "What a difference a day makes!"


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