Monday, February 10, 2014

A Question About Widowers

Last week the following question came up:
Isaiah 54:5 says "Your Maker is your husband..." so is there a similar Bible passage I could refer the WIDOWERS in my group to?
When I searched for a specific verse for widowers, my Bible concordance didn't have a single reference. Isaiah 54:4 refers to "widowhood," so that's why many people apply the phrase "your Maker is your husband" with special regard to widows. (By the way, just to clarify our terms here--- a widow is defined as "a woman who has outlived the man to whom she was married at the time of his death; and widower is "a man who has outlived the woman to whom he was married at the time of her death.")

But even though there isn't a similar verse for widowers, God has provided hundreds of verses for people who grieve. And there are many widowers in the Bible and books by Christian widowers of today.

One of my favorite verses is for widowers, widows, and all who grieve, Psalm 34:18 (NIV):

The Lord is close to the
brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed
in spirit.
 
Widowers can also know they are not alone. Bible characters who were widowers include: Abraham, Lot, Jacob, and Judah. Widowers today can learn a lot from looking at the mistakes of these men!
Widowers may also google to find Christian men of today who have experienced the loss of their mate: R.C. Sproul, C.S. Lewis, Jeremy Camp, Jerry Sittser, Dr. Robert C. De Vries, Dr. E.V. Hill, and many others.
 
Life is really a series of losses which we must learn to grieve and handle. Everyone grieves differently, for every loss and every relationship is different. And men in general respond differently to loss than women do. But men have feelings too, and like the person who asked this good question for today, I want to remember that and respond with compassion and hope.
 
Tomorrow I want to share with you a bit about a widower's experience. Until then....
ferree



4 comments:

  1. My heart goes out to widowers too, as they have lost their soulmate, the one who lovingly took care of them, their partner. It is hard losing your spouse whether you are a widow or a widower.

    But God has promised to be our strength and to never leave or forsake us.

    I look forward to reading your widower's experience in your next post.

    FlowerLady

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  2. I remember when my great Aunt died suddenly of a massive heart attack(unexpected). I arrived shortly to their home a few hours after her death. My Great Uncle was so full of pain, tears and intense grief. I will never forget his words when I walked into the room where she had not yet been removed.
    He walked over to me, hugged me and said with tears coming down his cheeks "I've lost my best friend, the best friend I ever had in this life" He was in his late 60's and lived(a widower) about 12 years after her death. I just remember his tears and pain and I wanted soooo much to alleviate his suffering.
    I believe God's word teaches us the woman/wife is the weaker vessel and God has designed and equipped men to be emotionally stronger than women as well as physically stronger. This isn't making light or minimizing their loss, grief or pain, it just seems they adapt quicker going through adversity, due to the way God has designed them.

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  3. I am a recent widower. My wife of 17 years passed away at the young age of 51 of a massive heart attack on December 3rd 2015. Her Mom and I had to perform CPR on her in our bedroom 6 feet from where I now sleep every night.

    I have cried every day since then. Even though I know this certainty that my beloved Cathy is with the Lord I feel so alone and overwhelmed with every day life. I have my job, the home, my 13 year old son and just life to deal with.

    God has given me little miracle along this journey along this journey so far but it is so, so difficult.

    When will the tears stop? When will I feel some feeling that there is a future for me without my beloved Cathy?

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  4. Dear Anonymous, I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved wife Cathy. I'm sure the holidays have been difficult and blurred. I'm remarried, and my husband, Tom, was also widowed right before Christmas, and their only child was a 10 year old son. It's an extremely painful time that most of the world has no inkling about. But the Lord does, as you've discovered with some of the little miracles along the way thus far. Let me encourage you to stick close to Him, and to work very hard to guide your son through this too. When will the tears stop? When will you begin to hope again? It's a different length of time for everyone, but I can assure you that with the Lord this grief will not last forever. Let the tears roll, they are healing, and it's also good to learn what you can about this chapter of grief in your life. See if there's a GriefCare group in your area that you and your son can attend, or talk to your pastor, a chaplain, or a biblical counsellor. One thing my Tom did was that he took a long walk every night too. It's important to take care of your health and that will help you with the tears too. Give yourself time; try not to rush this painful process. In the end you can reap a deeper appreciation, courage and passion for life as you take this journey one step, one day at a time. It won't last forever. God bless you.

    ReplyDelete

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