Monday, June 22, 2020

How Was Your Father's Day?

I'm sorry I didn't post anything in preparation for Father's Day this year.  Now that it's the next day I look back and see that I was trying to avoid it! Hindsight is always 20/20, right?

I should have known and prepared myself, but instead I got one of those full-blown grief storms! If you've known me very long you know that I talk about grief storms (aka a grief ambush or grief attack) as those unexpected wallops of despair and crying brought on by some sort of "trigger" like a strong memory, a song, spotting a car that looks just like your husband's...all sorts of things. Especially holidays.

I just didn't think it'd bother me this year. It's been 20 years since my first husband, Bruce, died and the holiday has come and gone many times since with little more than a sigh and sending a hug to my kids.

But I think this year was different for an important reason that you should be aware of too; it could happen to YOU. Knowing it's out there is half the battle: COMPOUNDED GRIEF.

If you Google it, the term can be summed up as the grief that occurs when someone experiences a number of losses in either a short time-frame, or entire life or chapter of life. From what I've observed it can also be set off by various triggers.

DO NOT confuse it with COMPLICATED GRIEF, although it may contribute to that condition.  Complicated grief is very real too, but it can be debilitating. Please seek professional help with a grief counselor if you suspect you have it. Symptoms are listed on many websites.

My Compounded Grief Attack yesterday was triggered by Father's Day. After several crying spells that I didn't understand I finally realized that
*  this was my first year without my dad. I grieved over his death last October, but hadn't talked or thought about it much since. And when I did it was mostly that I was actually thankful he's not here with the mess our country is in--he'd be so upset!
*  add to that a very fresh, very big disappointment on Friday
*  add to that the anniversary of the start of a very difficult year (will it ever end?)
*  add to that moving to a new city where we don't know anyone and can't even go to church yet!

I was an easy target for the enemy and accuser of my soul! Before I knew it a big case of bone-deep loneliness set in, plus "the devil's baby-sitter: self-pity." Oh! how my heart hurt!

Late last night (because I couldn't sleep either), I finally turned to God's Word.

The Old Testament passage in the Bible reading plan I'm following this year had story I could relate to: King Asa. So weird, but I was acting just like him! II Chronicles 16.

---God delivered an entire army into his hands and saved the nation of Judah but Asa down-played and ignored the Lord. God has certainly delivered ME from entire armies of PROBLEMS and GRIEF in the past but here I was down-playing and ignoring that truth.

---I was just like Asa in a tiny detail too---that Asa's feet were painful (mine are too), but instead of seeking God about the pain Asa went to the wisdom of the day. There's nothing wrong with going to a doctor for my foot pain, but I realized that like Asa, I ignored turning to the Lord---I neglected to pray! My mode is to think my sore feet are just something I have to live with. Do you do that too? The thing is...God cared about poor old Asa's aching feet! Why else would a detail like that be in the Bible? He cares about my feet too (and my hurting heart)---and yours. He will deliver us! 

I love this paraphrase of Romans 8:31-32 "If God gave his only Son for you, will he not also give you everything else that you need in this life?"

Well, confession is good for the soul. I got out my Confession Adoration Supplication and Thanksgiving prayers, and this week I'm starting back into using the diary I've told you about. These two tools --- I keep going back to them --- they truly help me during these crazy days of national turmoil and personal grief. Email me at if you need the diary. Scroll down to earlier posts or use the search box on to use the CAST YOUR CARES on the Lord prayers.

These are difficult days, even more so for widows in bereavement and those who face the challenges of grief triggers and compound grief. Please remember though, Complicated Grief is something to especially seek professional help for.

Have a good week in the Lord my friends. If you've mentioned prayer requests to me I'm still praying. And maybe you should tell about your Father's Day or grief trigger experiences too. Others could benefit from hearing how He's helped your hurting heart (or aching feet)! Please feel free to leave a comment. ❤


  1. I am thinking this -- the phrase "bone deep loneliness" is one I really understand but find difficulty explaining - until Asa's aching feet - because that's what it's like for me - an ache/soreness/discomfort that touches every part of my body whether I sit still or move - a discomfort that permeates every aspect of my life - and one that I have simply learned to live with because I feel there is no relief for it. I'm thinking now that if God can annoint my head with oil, He can certainly give me a foot massage....

  2. Awww,I was thinking of you as I wrote this, Linda. Chronic pain is such a struggle! Old Asa's aching feet are kind of a lesson to me. He didn't get any relief because he never asked, so I'm going to start asking---for the both of us!


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