Do you find yourself with a lot of "alone" time
now? A widow once told me that it wasn’t being alone that bothered her; she was
used to that because her husband had travelled a lot for work. “I’m OK with
being alone, but being lonely really hurts.”
Many widows will attest that loneliness is one of their
hardest problems. It’s pervasive. Like a weed it fills the cracks and chips in
our broken hearts with an ache that keeps coming back. God himself declares
that it’s not good (Genesis 2:18), yet people die and their loved ones have to
live alone. How do we adjust? How can we be alone but not lonely?
Here are some tips and ideas that can aid us like steps on a
path.
BE AROUND PEOPLE. When it feels like the walls of the house are
closing in it’s time to get out and be around other people. Go for a walk at a
mall or farmers market. Sit at a McDonald’s or Starbucks with a coffee and a
magazine or newspaper. Simply being around people is good. Visit a friend or
relative and pitch in to help with cleaning or cooking. The sounds of everyday
life like dishes clattering in the sink, a tea kettle whistling and children
running up and down stairs are sweet to a lonely person.
STAY WARM. If you have a fireplace, the warm blazes from it
can ward off both a cold night and the icy grip of loneliness. Drink a cup of
hot cocoa or chamomile tea. The University of Toronto reported a connection
between loneliness and feeling physically cold. Warmth helps.
STICK TO FAMILIAR ROUTINES. Routines provide structure for
our day and help us know what to do next. Life isn’t so overwhelming and lonely
when routines keep a semblance of order and control. In the evening prepare for
the next day—lay out what to wear, plan meals, and check for appointments and
chores. After that work on handcrafts, sewing or puzzles to pass the time, relax,
unwind and get sleepy.
READ. The well-known author, C.S. Lewis, once said, “We read
to know that we are not alone.” I don’t know if he said that before or after his
wife died but he certainly knew the loneliness of widowhood. Reading is another
good night-time routine and hobby. It’s informative and relaxing. Stories of
real people, other lands, history, nature, travel can perk up our interest in
life once again and ease pangs of loneliness.
HELP OTHERS. In Chera, a Christian magazine for
widowed people, widower Bill Lake wrote about how he dealt with loneliness: “I
had to remind myself that idleness is not God’s will for a person. I am not
talking about activity for activity sake. But as I exercised my spiritual gifts
in serving others, I began to leave loneliness behind.”
LEARN FROM BEING ALONE. One widow told me this: “For me, it
has been important that I not miss what God is teaching me through this
journey. It seems as though He has deliberately taken me into the wilderness to
teach me more about Him. I tend to “forget” God when I have people to take away
my loneliness…”
Making peace with loneliness means finding new ways to be
around people, staying warm, employing healthy routines, reading, helping people
and learning what God intends. It’s a journey, not a race. Each little step you
take will leave the lonely path further and further behind.
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