I think the following letter describes how we've all probably felt--wishing we could wake up and find everything back the way it was . . . It's important to share these feelings.
Something about bringing them out into the open helps enlarge our souls to encompass and absorb the pain. By telling our own story and hearing the stories of others, the shock and trauma slowly becomes manageable.
That's what this blog is all about, by God's grace---its a safe place to grow through this, to figure it out, and to find support from the Lord and other widows. And then, one day, a bit of hope and new life begins to sprout out of the darkness and bad dream.
I find myself crying more now than before– did that happen to you? Maybe the shock has finally worn off? I feel like I am living a dream and the phone will ring and it will be my husband calling from South Africa or someplace. He traveled for 3 to 4 weeks at a time so being here alone isn’t that strange, but not having the e-mails and phone calls breaks my heart. Every time I go into my e-mail I want to see his address there with a message. I want to drive to the airport and pick him up from a very long trip but I know that’s not possible and I struggle with that.
I keep trying to find blessings in all of this . . . But it’s so hard to let go of all our dreams and plans and try to imagine a life on my own. I didn’t plan or want to be a single person or parent but I guess God had other plans for me. I’m just so unsure what they are.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to be totally honest with those close to me. I am trying to do that, but I don’t want to be a burden to them. I don’t want to intrude on people’s lives and add more to what they themselves are already dealing with. And I know they struggle with not really understanding what this is like—I know I never did until I reached this place myself. There are no words to describe the pain and grief or the intensity of it."
What do you relate to most in this letter? Please add your comment below. Sharing can be hard, but you'll help yourself and help others if you do. This bad dream chapter of your life won't last forever, so take heart and hope, my friend.
"... Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning."