Two years ago on July 3rd, the bottom seemingly dropped out of my world when the man I loved and with whom I had built an incredible life left this earth, leaving our two children (Levi and Jacquie) and me to navigate a most overwhelming and unwelcome path. Earlier this week after hearing Brad Paisley’s song, "Letter to Me", I embraced the concept that if I could write a letter to the woman I was two years ago today, I would have so much to tell myself.
|Walter and Becky|
I would tell myself that in the beginning you will feel incredibly lost and without an anchor. Your heart will be numb and your thoughts and visions for the future you had hoped and planned for will be both muddled and scattered about…but eventually you will find great clarity knowing that God’s plans are always precise, perfect, and with purpose. (Deuteronomy 32:4) (Jeremiah 29:11)
I would tell myself that the pain will seem unbearable and suffocating at times. You will cry yourself to sleep, waking up each morning only to be reminded that the emptiness and longing are achingly real and still present…but one day you will find peace and comfort in the morning (and mourning) remembering God’s continued and unrelenting faithfulness through those many dark and lonely nights. (Psalm 30:5) (Psalm 143:8)
I would tell myself that worry will try to take hold as you come to realize that very little is ever truly in your control. You will see the sadness, pain, and fear of the unknown in your kid’s eyes, robbing them of their confidence. You will become overwhelmed by the details of farm management, new home construction, an untimely good-bye to your once-beloved career, estate settlement, moving, adverse weather, and constant maintenance…but one day you will clearly identify the blatant evidence of God’s hand in bringing you comfort as He guides you through the minute details and deliberately equips you with resources and newly developed skills to help you conquer each and every challenging task. (Joshua 1:9) (1 Peter 5:7) (Psalm 28:7)
I would tell myself that your concept of love will forever be refined. The unconditional love that you once experienced with your husband (and only modeled perfectly in your Heavenly Father) will forever serve as a lasting example of what it means to fully love and be loved. Because of them, you have the capacity and desire to be in loving relationships where grace is more freely given, beauty and character always recognized, and encouragement shared. (1 Corinthians 13) (Colossians 3:13) (Matthew 5:43-48)
I would tell myself that as hard as it is to believe, there will come a day where you will not wish Walter back into your arms so that he could be all the things he once was to you… but you will selflessly learn to release him from the responsibility for making you happy or for making you feel loved and cared for because you know that his presence in the arms of Jesus is unfathomably richer and more fulfilling than even the most exquisite life on earth could ever be. (Psalm 118:24)
I would tell myself that grief is complicated; that you will never get over the death of a man you loved more than your own life…but that with God’s help and the love of others, you WILL get through it…and you will one day become better and more able to be used by God because of it. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)...and for that, you will become eternally grateful. (Psalm 105:1)
To God Be the Glory!
Copyright 2015 by Becky Copas-Chitty. Used by permission. Thank you Becky! ♥ ferree