Where to sit in church?
I have always been a faithful person and attending church all my life is what I grew up doing. Mike, the girls, and I had recently (about 6 months before his death) started to attend a different church and were loving it very much. The congregation embraced us from the start. The day of Mike's accident, the pastor was on this way up north for a family vacation and when he got the call, they turned around and headed home, cancelling their trip to be with us. That is the kind of love we were shown weekly! I so much appreciated that gesture of kindness. As the weeks of returning to church after his death became more and more difficult, I wondered what in the world could be wrong with me. My faith was growing by the day, I loved the Lord, I didn't have any anger toward anyone...I was struggling with going to church. I went alone, I took the girls with me, we sat in different places around the church, nothing seemed to help. I was miserable sitting in church listening to the sermons and singing praises, but couldn't figure out why. I would go on Sunday morning to our church and then on Sunday nights with my aunt to her church and there I would feel like "I was being filled". This was what I needed, wanted, and always had had in the past. So, one day when pastor came to visit me, I explained my struggle and how I didn't understand how my faith could be growing and I felt God so close to me, but why was "going to church" so difficult. He had the answer immediately, he explained that when you are in church with your spouse, you are side by side worshiping and praising the Lord....it's a very intimate time in our week. He told me that only 10% of widows stay at their previous church once their husband passes away. This all made such sense to me. I got it! When we are at home, we are room to room and so on, but in church...it is intimate and worship is such a special time. I felt so much better discussing this with him and realizing that I wasn't going "crazy" in not wanting to go to church and wondering as I walked in there where I would sit and "be comfortable"...
My girls and I have since left that church (pastor retired and some other issues lead us to leave). Just two weeks ago, we joined our new church family. It was a great feeling to join "our" church...it was a big step because now that I am the spiritual leader of our home it was up to me. God lead me every step of the way. I can sit anywhere and feel comfortable and know that God has lead us to our new church home for some major growth and healing~
2012 by Carrie Jo Kistler Shride. Used by permission. Visit Carrie's blog, Finding JOY In Our JOurneY and
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