Monday, March 23, 2015

Dealing With Loneliness and Longings

Dear Reader,
Monday's topic is grief. The process, the twists and turns, the questions, the hope . . .
The following words are from a widow about a really dark time that many have gone through. The details are different from widow to widow. . . ages of the kids, the length of the marriage, cause and suddenness of death . . . But the outlook is the same for many widows --- a vast and lonely future. The pain seems unbearable.

This week, with the hope of Easter in less than two weeks, how do you think she can carry on? What has helped you? Please tell what pulled you through, won't you?

     In the last year I turned 37, and my husband of seventeen years was killed by a large object flying off a tandem truck. He had just turned 39. We had four children who are still in school. I homeschooled them and was a stay-at-home mother since our first child was born.
I found people in the very beginning! But now no one visits or calls. I am alone so much that I cannot bear it. I am seeking the Lord through it. But I long for love with skin on.
My prayer is that God brings a husband. In my age group other people do not have time for others. They are more interested in their own lives.
It is very hard.
I remember well the same sort of struggle! The loneliness was like someone had beat up my soul--I felt so bruised and sore. Psalm 34:18 described my condition,
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
I was brokenhearted and crushed.
The verse also described my hope---The LORD is close--and He saves--- but I didn't "feel" like God was close. In fact, I completely forgot that God promised to never leave us or forsake us. I kept blindly crying out to Him over and over. But I can now see that my need and loneliness were what God used to steer me to meet people who would build me up and fill me up with God's truth.

I replied to this dear widow the following: In my opinion it's fine to ask God for a husband, but realize that a husband may not be the best solution. Watch for other ways God may come to your rescue. Perhaps God will use your loneliness to connect you to a new set of Christian friends through attending a grief support group, finding a Christian counsellor, or reaching out to help other single moms who are trying to honor God by homeschooling.

What I know is that God loves you and has a divine purpose for you. He will enable you to carry on and raise your children well. It's really hard to make all the decisions by yourself so just take one day at a time. Present each moment to God, and--as the experienced widow and Bible teacher, Elisabeth Elliott says, "Just do the next thing."
However, there is wisdom in many counsellors and I know that many of you can offer insight and direction for this situation too. Please comment today. Share your experience and how you seek God in similar circumstances. Your words are part of the process of grief that God uses to restore and renew us.


  1. "Walk by faith, not by sight." 2 Cor. 5:7. This verse is easy to quote, but it wasn't until I buried my 21 year old son and ten months later my 57 year old husband that I learned what walking by faith entails and that it is extremely difficult particularly through the darkness of grief and loss. At the time, God seemed to have forgotten me or worse yet to be punishing me. Three years later, I can say that God is good. I, was also abandoned by friends and family. Slowly over time God provided new friends and deeper relationships than I had before. No one can replace your husband and you will always miss him, but God will bring new friendships that will help fill the lonely void you are feeling. Don't be in a hurry to remarry as you and your children all need to work through your grief. Be assured that I am praying for you along with many others as you walk this difficult road. God is faithfu! even when we don't feel it. Pour your heart out to Him.

  2. Yes, pour out your heart... as the Bible says, Psalm 62:8. Your words are full of life and hope. Thank you for sharing hard-earned wisdom from your journey.

  3. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18. This is one of the verses that still helps me. I was 49 when my husband of 14 years suddenly passed away 7 years ago this coming weekend. God blessed me with new friends both "online" and "offline." God is with you even though you do not feel Him.

    I crocheted a queen-sized afghan for our bed. When the loneliness got intense, I would wrap up in the afghan. It actually helped. Hopefully, you have a special afghan, blanket or quilt you can use. Will keep you in my prayers. God bless you and your family.

  4. "He will never leave me nor forsake me. You are here with me and I trust You." I have lost count of the number of times I have said these words in the last four years after my husband went home after 31 years and 10 days of marriage. I was 52 at the time. The lives of my family and friends have taken some of us in separate directions and it is okay, because God has filled my life with new people and this blog to help me through those moments of soul crushing loneliness. I have also found that having another man in my life did not fill the void left by my husband. So I took the advice of a friend and filled my bed with pillows and when those dark moments are intense I curl up in the midst of them as if I am in the loving arms of my Father, asking Him to comfort me, thanking Him for His peace and love. It never fails that I find myself falling asleep and when I awake I feel rested and at peace. I pray that the God of all comfort will fill this young lady's life to overflowing.


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