Thursday, December 5, 2013

The Wedding Ring Dilemna---To Wear Or Not To Wear?

Do you ever wonder about your wedding ring? Do you wonder what people will say if you take it off? Do you wonder if you'll ever get another one? Have you thought about changing it in any way?

During the first year, I loved my wedding ring and had no intention of ever taking it off. I felt loved when I looked at it, I felt safe and connected.

But slowly, my feelings began to change. It made me sad to look at it. Then something happened that helped me take it off without that naked, empty feeling on my finger: my parents gave me a ring that had belonged to my grandma.

My grandma had always looked for pretty things, and I was at a point where I wanted to look for pretty things in life again, too--the everyday beauty around me I'd been overlooking--bright red cardinals, snowflakes, the companionship of our chocolate labrador at my side (mmmm, yes, and chocolate!) . . . So whenever I looked at my grandma's ring on my finger, I also began to open my eyes to the beauty around me.

Yet I didn't like the thought of my wedding ring just sitting in the jewelry box. Why let a perfectly good diamond go to waste like that? I didn't know what to do. Should I save it for my son to give to his bride some day, put it in a pendant for a necklace, just outright sell it . . . ??? None of those ideas sat quite right.

What would you have suggested? What will you do with yours? (Wearing it the rest of your life is perfectly fine too).

Here are three previous comments about this topic:
     *I couldn't stand the reminder, and took it off immediately, much to the dismay of my family and friends. They didn't understand at all. I wore my wedding band and his wedding band on a necklace for about 2 years...
     *I intended to wear my rings for a long time. But...they were slightly big since I'd had them resized during my heavier, post-baby days. Then after my husband's death, I lost weight...and when I took my daughters to the ocean this summer I was so afraid I would lose my rings in the water. Making the decision to remove my wedding rings was very difficult.
However, I chose to reset my engagement diamond in a setting with sapphires (my husband and I were both born in September) and I wear this beautiful new ring all the time. Buying and subsequently wearing this ring has been the most significant turning point in my grief journey thus far. There is beauty in my life / on my hand, and it is all because of my husband's influence and presence in my life.
     *I haven't wore my wedding rings since three months after my husband passed away. They're tucked away in a safe, but I really like the idea of having them reset in a new ring. I'm going to look into it.

"M" reset her diamond
with her mother's and her
grandmother's diamonds.
 
Feel free to comment about your ring, or send a picture to me at WCplace and I'll add it in here anonymously for you. We all love looking at jewelry, and we can really learn a lot from each other's experiences.
ferree

M. just sent me this comment: I had the diamond from my engagement ring reset with the diamonds from my mother's and my grandmother's rings. I wear it on my left hand. I love it and many people comment on it. That gives me a chance to talk about my loved ones.


This ring photo was just sent in by the anonymous lady with the second comment below. She says, "This is my wedding ring along side of my widow ring that I purchased, which is a pave’ setting with 64 black diamonds in white gold dipped in black rhodium. I wear these both everyday and always will."

Your comments are so interesting, and I love the different ideas and beautiful pictures. Ann, that's quite a story about the waffles! (first comment below). Thanks everyone, and feel free to continue sending those photos in. These are great ideas! 

 

11 comments:

  1. Here is a comment I put on the Lifeboat page in October. As an update I still continue to wear my anniversary ring on my ring finger. Ann Burnett

    Waffles and Weddings
    Last night I cooked waffles for dinner (one advantage of being alone I guess!).
    Real story is that the waffle maker was a gift from my husband last Christmas and had only been used a couple of times so I thought it was time. This morning I felt what I thought was batter on my wedding ring but in fact it was a small break in the ring.
    After 30+ years the ring chooses now to break!

    We have dialogued on here before about if or when to remove wedding rings. I thought about it a lot during the first couple of months but then put it out of my mind and just carried on wearing my rings.
    I have already been to one wedding since becoming a widow will be going to weddings the next two weekends and had already begun to anticipate the wedding ring issue again.
    I think I have my answer about taking off my wedding band.
    I will however continue to wear an anniversary ring on that finger.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I still wear my wedding ring after 14 1/2 months. I also have purchased a black diamond band (widow ring) that I wear along side of it. Occasionally I wear just the widow band and sometimes just the wedding ring, but usually together. I will always wear these rings and don't have any interest in dating or meeting a new man. Scott is all that I ever need.

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  3. It will be a year on the 9th of this month, and I still wear my wedding ring, the engagement ring only when I go out. I do a lot of gardening and stuff so don't wear the diamond all the time.

    My wedding ring is a reminder of never ending love and I am happy and thankful for our 43 years of marriage. My love for my husband keeps growing, and knowing he is with Jesus fills my heart with peace.

    FlowerLady

    ReplyDelete
  4. What a beautiful thought, Flower Lady, that your love for your husband keeps growing. I think we can all probably say that but you're the first one I've ever heard put it into words. Thank you so much!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I wore my wedding band for almost 4 years. Mostly because I could not get it off and didn't want to cut it. But this past summer it became dangerous for me to wear it due to the heat and humidity, I went to a little family owned jewelry store on the island and a nice couple worked together to gently cut it off. I found out it was 2 1/2 sizes to small. I was 18 and underweight when I was married. I still have a mark on my finger where the ring was at. I put it away with my husbands wedding band. I did not have an engagement ring (Not a lover of diamonds and I felt it would cost too much money). I do have a small ruby ring purchased about 8 months after we married, I have always worn that ring on my right hand and I still wear that everyday, I did have it cut off 2 years ago, fixed and re-sized.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I took mine off after 5 months. I could have done it earlier, but I didn't know how it would affect my family (which includes my husband's family). It was also hard because I was just used to wearing it and it felt strange without it. I had been taking it off every night for several years (I started that when I was pregnant and wanted to make sure I COULD get it off). So I just decided not to put it on in the morning. I couldn't see a reason to keep wearing it - I'm not married, so why should I wear the ring? (I'm terribly practical that way - Adam would understand, and possibly tease me about it). I keep my ring and his together. I've shown my kids (ages 7 and 3) where they are, but haven't decided what to do with them. I had thought about giving mine to my son and Adam's to my daughter, but that's a long way off, and right now that's not really what I want to do. I guess I'm sort of waiting to see what feels right; at this time, keeping them together in my jewelry box feels right.

    -Kristin

    ReplyDelete
  7. I never wanted to change my rings into anything else. I kept them just the way they were, how they were given to me. After wearing them on my left hand for a couple of years, I decided (hesitantly) to put them on my right hand. I felt that I didn't want others to look at my hands and see an empty finger and think I chose to be "single". The rings on my right hand were a symbol of not only our love but that I didn't have a choice in the matter. Sadly, just before my tenth year on this journey, I misplaced them, thinking I may have left them at a hotel when vacationing. :( I am crushed because I LOVED those rings -- never intended to stop wearing them because never intend to remarry. I didn't care what others thought. I wanted to pass them down one day. All that being said, it is what is comfortable for each individual as to what they do with their rings, how long they wear them, etc. We each have our own thoughts and personalities that determine our decisions and none is wrong or right.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I have been wearing my husband's wedding band and a sapphire/diamond anniversary band on my left ring finger for the 2 years since Gary's passed. We were married 44 1/2 years. Within a couple days of his passing, my oldest son announced he would be proposing to a Tibetan girl we had known and loved for many years. When he said he needed to go ring shopping , while in the midst of planning the funeral without a thought, I lifted my hand and said I have a diamond for you. It was a God thing I know. He proposed with my engagement ring and wedding band. I told her she could go and pick her own but she said she wanted my set as it was the love between mom and dad. I am thinking now of just wearing my anniversary ring although I have loved wearing his wedding band so maybe it still is not time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Anonymous, It sounds like your son is blessed with both a wonderfully loving and generous mother as well as a wise and appreciative fiance. What a beautiful story of two marriages---your's and your son's, and how God moved you to give him your diamond. When the time comes around for you to make a change in the rings you currently wear, it'll be another God-thing. Perhaps not as instantaneous, but just as certain. Wear your husband's wedding band for as long as you like, It's a lovely and precious tribute to your 44 1/2 years together.

      Delete
  9. I recently lost my husband 2mo ago. I wear my wedding ring because he wld always tell me:it represents my love to you. Look at the ring it dont have an end and thats how my love will always be for you endless.
    So i plan to get a widows ring and place it in front of my weddingband.
    Do i plan to marry again.NO, but i wait on GOD to see what he has instore for the rest of my life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're a wise woman, and your husband sounds the same. Endless love is true love and God has richly blessed you. I'm so sorry for your loss but I thank you for sharing about your beautiful marriage.

      Delete

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