Monday, March 25, 2013

Torn In Two

Once when I gave my library talk about turning GOing through grief to GROWing through grief to a very nice church group, one of the women began telling me about how she lost her husband of many years. It had been quite a while back--in fact, she's now in her 80's now--but she said she'll never forget that it felt like she'd been cut in half.
"Oh my goodness!" I said. "That's exactly how I felt!"
I wonder, are she and I the only ones with that picture? Did you feel cut in half, too? Or was it a different picture for you? I had a distinct picture of myself cut in half by a high speed train that sliced through my life, and there I lay, so shocked.
Would you describe that initial shock of losing your husband as being cut in half? I wonder if that's why the term "healing" is used so much in grief recovery? I also recall a friend telling me that when she divorced her husband, she had that 'cut in half' feeling, too, even though she wanted the divorce.

I have a hunch that this severed feeling has to do with how God designed the marriage bond in the first place. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24 (King James Version) If a husband and wife become one, and one of them is subtracted . . . well . . . just do the math . . . Yet we are not without hope. God sees. He knows our situation. He has not abandoned us. In His perfect timing, just like the broken and crippled people Jesus touched, we will walk again.  


  1. Oh, yes, I too felt that "cut in half" feeling, and at times that feeling can still come out - just not as painful as at the beginning.

  2. I most defintely felt like I had been cut in half. As you said God wants couples to be one, so when that is severed there is great pain.

    There is a part of us that will never be the same. Some of this change is wonderful, but there will also be a part in us which feels the loss and the loneliness. Yet the Lord is a great healer. He brings joy back into our lives, and He is our bridegroom.

  3. yes thats exactly how i feel.still do at nine months.i will never be the same.amputated and so lost.i hate this and thats just the truth.

  4. Oh so very two bonsai trees that have grown togehter - when suddenly one of them is just gone and the remaining one has to figure out how to survive - only with God - only with God.

  5. You've all felt it too. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, and will survive. Bonsais are powerful and beautiful works of art, and so are widows.

  6. I most definitely feel like half of me is missing. It can be so overwhelmingly lonely at this time (a little over 3 months) but God is awesome and meets all of our needs. Only Jesus can fill the gap left my husband's absence.

    FlowerLady Lorraine

  7. I really love this..."..turning GOing through grief to GROWing through grief.."

    I think at some point during our grief journey we all must switch over from Going to Growing.

    We have to let God into our broken hearts and hand it all over to him. ♥

    At first, I felt as though my whole heart had been taken away. I couldn't feel..I couldn't breathe..I felt so completely empty. My whole heart was gone?

    Then reality set it....and then came that frightening realization that half my heart was gone. Not only that, I felt like whatever was left of my my other half of heart was so broken that I didn't think it would ever function again.

    You can only live this way for so long and I think that is the point where you start to reach out and start praying. You start turning it all over to God and ask for his help. You go from Going to Growing.

    I love Swans, and it takes 2 Swans together to make their heart. So if you put that picture of the broken heart between two swans that have been pulled apart...that's the picture in my mind of what a broken heart feels like.

    I have to say this though...

    If someone had to take half my heart away, I am so glad that it was my husband. He took it to heaven with him and will keep it safe until I can see him again.

    As always Ferree..Thanky you! ♥♥

  8. I don't think I truly grasped what being "ONE" was until my husband died. I think the "becoming one" is a process that one doesn't even realize is happening until something, like death, pulls it apart. I miss the "part" of me that went to Heaven. I will never be the same!

  9. My husband of 48 years went home to be with the Lord in his sleep 14 months ago with no warning that anything was wrong. We were literally together 24/7 as we "worked for ourselves". Because of my health, I had to move to another state to be with family and felt as though I left part of me behind when I moved. The Lord has been faithful every day of this journey I am on but I feel that I have a "hole in my heart" that will never go away!

  10. I just felt hollow inside, and the way I envisioned that was as if someone had taken an ice cream scoop and taken a dip out of my heart. As I heal, that hollow feeling is abating and although I will never be the same, my heart is healing.

  11. When Gordon went home to Heaven, I felt like my heart was shattered into a million pieces. But slowly, with much help from the Lord, and with the love and support and prayers of my friends and family, I'm beginning to feel like I'll be okay. Not ever the same again, but ..... There are still times when the sadness and loneliness is overwhelming, but those times are fewer as I just "keep on keeping on" with God's help.

  12. Painful, yes, but I hope it helps a bit to read all these comments that affirm this is a pretty normal feeling---I thought I was the "only one" who felt that way until I met the lady at the library. That's why I started this blog: so widows could talk to each other, find out they're not alone, and find out they're pretty normal. But most importantly to hear from those a little further along that although life will never be the same, there is hope.


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