Monday, February 11, 2013

Widows & Celibacy

Monday's topic is about learning to dealing with widowhood. The process, the twists and turns, the questions . . . the hope! Today's topic is a tough one--very personal, and not talked about too much. Maybe I'm stepping over the taboo line, but let's try to bring this out in the open.

All of the sudden you're in Camp Celibacy when you didn't volunteer to go. It's not a fun place to be when memories of Valentines Day with your husband, or in-your-face pictures from our sex-saturated culture, or the undeniable physical urges rise up from within to parade through the mind.

Guilty feelings pin us down as we expect the imaginary camp counsellor to come barging through the door at any minute. What can we do with the closet full of desire and adult temptations?

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. (I Corinthians 10:13 NIV)

Five Ways Out of Sexual Temptation

1. Understand that sex outside of marriage is sin. Our culture laughs at that thought. We used to think hippies were counter-culture; now the sexually pure woman is counter-culture! Understand God's view of sex by understanding what God's Word says so you don't conform to the world's attitude. (Romans 12:2) God invented sex; He thinks its great. God condones the pleasures of sex in marriage but God did not intend the body for sexual immorality. (I Cor. 6:13) Learn what God has to say about Christians taking part in the sexual sins of fornication or adultery.
2. Mourn over your loss of this physical ability. You'd be sad if you went blind or couldn't walk, right? Involuntary celibacy is also a loss. It's okay to grieve its loss, but then press on to the new adventures God has in store for you.
3. Find a female accountability partner--but NOT someone who wants to play "Matchmaker." She should have respect for single women and understand the privileges and challenges of being single. This woman can pray for you and help you walk through dating situations. You should have her cell phone number and permission to call her 24/7. This won't last forever, but she should be willing to be available. If she is single, too, it should be a mutual accountability.
4. Take thoughts captive. (II Cor. 10:5) Run to Jesus in prayer with the temptations you face. Say, "Lord! Look at this!" Such tempting thoughts evaporate under the truth of God's gaze. You'll find they weren't worth the attention for which they clamored when you pray about them.
5. Don't fret. There will be battles, but they will diminish and you will be surprised at how quickly freedom arrives and the struggles get less frequent. If you don't feed the sexual appetite within you it will lie down and rest. It won't die. If you enter into marriage again it will wake up with prime vigor and the joyous freedom of a clear conscience.

This is just a quick snapshot of how God can help us deal with celibacy. Be sure to look into Scripture for yourself and find other resources to help you overcome. We can depend on Him for strength and help today!
Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted. Hebrews 2:18 (NIV)


  1. For me, this has not been an issue. Maybe because I have not wanted to remarry and because I have been focused on the responsibility of caring for my children for so many years, which is exhausting both emotionally and physically. What I do miss is the hugs, holding hands, etc., plus the intimacy of talking with someone who knows me. That has been the most difficult. I DO make sure I never put myself in a position where there could be temptations or that others could take as improprieties. And definitely female friendships with those you can trust is so important.

  2. I'm so glad you shared, because its important to know there is another side to this. Some are free of this issue---and that's very good news! God's grace touches our lives in so many ways and I thank you for commenting. Blessings on you, your kids, and your great work.


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