Tuesday, March 20, 2012

What's One Thing You Would You Tell A New Widow? Part 2

Picking up from where we left off yesterday . . . .
Sheila--I would say be careful of the expectations you might have of what others will "do" for you. Especially if you are a younger widow, people won't "know what to do with you"! Let the Lord be your hiding place and fulfillment! And, when you feel failed by others, love them anyway, they are probably learning and grieving right with you, they just don't know how to express it.

Karen--Having been a younger widow, and looking back, I endorse Sheila's comments

Apryl--whatever you are feeling is what you are supposed to be feeling. Although many will have suggestions for you, they are not you, they did not lose your husband and they will not carry your grief. Sometimes you will hurt and there is no comfort but Jesus and His Sweet Holy Spirit. He can be trusted to bear your burdens, your pain and your tears. Give them all to Him.
Shearon--I would encourage them to find a seasoned widow that can mentored them during their first year of widowhood. This should be someone who is godly and understands the ups and downs of her new role in life. I would also advise them to work on their grief. When we run from grief (and I did), you still have to address it at some point in time. It's better to face it early on, so you can process in a healthy manner. The earlier you grieve, the faster you heal.
Sarah--I'm so sorry for your loss. (That's all. I might say I'll be praying, and I'd give her a hug.)
Andrea--I like what Shearon shared....a seasoned widow is an excellent source especially one who knows who she is in Christ...one who can share the process and assure the new widow that she is not weird or wrong in her grief....someone who can share confidence and assurance that although the grief journey is not an easy one...there is only one way to pass through it. You can't go under it, around it, over it...you must find your way THROUGH it. With God as our focus we can grow as we go through the process.
Joann--I would encourage her to get quiet before the Lord every day. Just sit in His presence. Escape to His grace and soak in that peace that passeth understanding so that you can get through the day. And cry whenever you need to .
Christy--Let others help you. Surround yourself with family and friends that are good for you. Don't rush to do anything. Let yourself grieve. Take it one minute at a time.

Sheila-- . . I like the take "one minute at a time" . . . sometimes it's as simple (hard) as that, isn't it?
Joyce--Be patient and forgiving of yourself. Grieving takes a long time and it cycles. You may think you have settled something in your mind and then months later it comes back again. Try to find another widow who will listen and walk you throu...gh it. GriefShare is great as well as Leslie's idea about hospice.(see yesterday's post)  Get emotional help and get lots of it. Grief groups are great because they don't mind hearing the same thing over and over. Friends who haven't been through this don't understand and expect you to move on way before you are ready to do so.

Thanks, everyone! Let's hear from you, too. Just click the comment line below and share your hard-earned wisdom with women who will value it and benefit greatly!
God bless you,

P.S. My private Facebook group, Lifeboat, picks up new survivors all the time. If you're a widow, would you like to climb aboard, too? Simply friend me, Ferree Hardy, on Facebook and mention Lifeboat. I add new members on Tuesday and Friday evenings. Lifeboat is absolutely free and without obligation—all you need is a Facebook account; if you find it's not what you need, you just opt out. But I'd venture to say you'll agree with others who say, "I've been looking for something like this!"

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