Wednesday, February 29, 2012

How Close To A Man Is Too Close?

Today my blogger friend, Cindy from Widows Pursuits opens up about her struggles in the early days of widowhood.

What I Couldn't Have---My Best Friends' Husbands

I sense there are other widows that felt vulnerable after their spouses died just as I did. In my denial of grief, about the 3 to 4 month marker, I admit I started to yearn for a male's touch. If I didn't hold such high morals, and if my husband didn't have such good friends that held the same morals as I did, I could have easily gone down the wrong path and committed adultery with my best friends' husbands. They were hurting, and I was hurting, which makes for a very dangerous situation.

My daughters' school counselor had warned me before I began experiencing these feelings. "Don't be alarmed if some of your married girlfriends drift away from you," she said. "They may feel jealous that their husbands' attention is focused more on you than on them." "How sad," I replied. "I hadn't thought about that". She smiled and stood up. "I've known of that happening, so just a warning." We hugged good-by and I thanked her for the advice. I guess that meant...proceed with caution.

I soon yearned to be in the arms of the men that also loved Nelson. I wanted their attention and their hugs. No, I didn't want sex, but I wanted to be closer than what was acceptable as a grieving widow. One night . . .

 . . . click here for the rest of the story on Cindy's blog, Widow's Pursuits. Be sure to add a comment and say "Hi" from your Widows Christian Place. Thank you for so honestly sharing your story, Cindy.


  1. For me, staying as far away from other men is much more comfortable for me. My husband didn't have any really close male friends. I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea.

  2. Thank you for sharing, Candy, it's good to hear how you've decided to handle it, and a helpful example to many others. thanks!

  3. Ferree thank you for posting the link to Cindy's blog. I have lately been feeling drawn to one of his friends and something didn't feel "right" about it. Well, I've been praying for guidance and there it was! God Bless you.

  4. I am glad you shared your story. This challenge has been one of the greatest in my grief journey. In my life the challenge has been to live peacefully and emotionally healthily and to think in a Godly way when at the same time my closest couple friends are very close to me, care for me, reach out to me. The husband especially has a deep care for me and my children, and while I know God has given us this care, it has also caused great challenge for me. It will lead me to feel feelings of rejection and pain when they are pursuing their marriage (though I make every effort to support them and pray for them, etc). God has used this, but I also keep praying for clarity and wisdom in keeping my heart for a new husband He will/might send. And peace and contentment in the meantime.


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