Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Half A Person? Part 2

Here are some responses to the question I asked on Monday: Did you feel like you were cut in half when your husband died?

Yes, cut into half and bleeding from the wound. That was how it felt when death separated us. Subsequently, there was always this nagging empty feeling inside me - as if a huge tree had been uprooted and there was a gapping hole. Even now, two years on, such sensations of being cut and uprooted still surface, although it does not remain as long as it used to....but it still hurts. -SYEO

That is exactly what I felt like, only half of me was alive. This feeling is hard to describe, but the emptiness inside of me was so great, that I could and still often only can take the next step and trust I will be able to take another one after that. How does one go on living with half a heart?I am still looking for that answer. -Ruth

Absolutely! In fact, Christy Cassidy reminded me of this truth when we had lunch recently. I've always said it's that my heart is already in Heaven. Michael had my heart, and now he resides there. I just keep reminding myself that he's a bigger part of my future than he is of my past, and that I will have an eternity to hear his laughter and see his beautiful smile. I also feel that Heaven is near. :) -Joannah

Yes, when you have a Biblically based Marriage it isn't you & me but WE !! This in no way diminshes our value as an individual but rather it enhances it, to have the security of that partnership is very moving/motivating. It helps us to be all that God intends for us to be....there is such a void when that type of love is seperated by death. Yet, we know death is not the end PTL. -L.Curtin

Cut in half is EXACTLY the way I felt when the ICU doctor told me my husband's heart had stopped. Less than 2 months later when my mother joined my husband in heaven another part of me was cut off and then 2 months after that when my dad joined them both, there was only about 1/4th of me left.

There are many layers of pain and sadness in these comments and hope makes shy appearances as a precious and elusive commodity. I feel like this is sacred ground, and I also feel that if I spoke, it'd be like the vinegar words from Job's friends in his suffering. So instead, let me simply suggest another question to ponder, especially as we have the Easter season coming upon us. I'm not ignoring the pain, or avoiding Ruth's question of how does one go on living with half a heart? We'll get to that question, I promise. But for now there are some spiritual riches to mine through this experience.

Let's turn our thoughts to the person of Jesus Christ. One of the names Jesus took upon Himself was 'Man of Sorrows.' What sort of picture does that bring to your mind, and why do you suppose He had that name . . . Was it a similar painful severing for Jesus---who had eternally existed in a bond of unity with the Father and Spirit---to leave Heaven and come to earth . . . What was it like from Him to cry from the cross, "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?" . . . Are there correlations you can suppose between His sorrow and yours?

Scriptures to glean: Isaiah 53:3,4,10; Matthew 27:43-48; Hebrews 4:15; Psalm 139:1-5

Gemstone from this dark mine of suffering: The Lord truly and deeply knows how I feel. Let me urge you to call to Him from the dark place of grief and continue to call to Him; pray and ask God to sink this gemstone of truth inside of you--God knows. The Creator of the universe, the massive Milky Way, infinity, and DNA has chosen to enter your human experience, to know sorrow and suffering . . . to know you and me.

That might make us feel very honored . . . or very angry. Either way, since God already knows, as it says in Psalm 139, talk to Him about it. If you need help talking to God, just email me at and I'll privately help you.


  1. Praise God,He knows how much I can take.I may not know how to live with half a heart,but I do know that God is here and He will see me through.Often I feel like all I can do is the next thing,one little step at a time.

  2. Ruth I love what you posted on your blog yesterday of Praise and Photos. There's so much to be thankful for even tho we're suffering loss. I agree, too, that the "enemies" mentioned in the Psalms could very well be our own thoughts that drag us down at times. Blessings on you girlfriend!


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