10 Reasons Why Crying Is OK

Holidays like today can trigger grief because it might seem like the rest of the world has forgotten us or our loved one. We might not have any plans while they do, and doggone it---we just miss our husband!

If a cry catches in your throat, or tears well up unexpectedly, that's OK, it means you're perfectly normal. Let them flow. God designed the body to release its stress and toxins through the valuable mechanism of crying.

Let's look up some special verses from God's Word about crying. You can find many more, but these are a good introduction. Copy and print them so you can hold them in your hand and let them sink into your heart by thanking the Lord for understanding and loving you.

10 Truths About Crying

Psalm 30:5
For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for a lifetime;
Weeping may last for the night,
But a shout of joy comes in the morning.

Psalm 34:15
The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous
And His ears are open to their cry.

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 40:1
I waited patiently for the Lord;
And He inclined to me and heard my cry.

Psalm 126:5
Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting.

Ecclesiastes 3:4
A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.

Isaiah 53:3a
He was despised and forsaken of men,
A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief;

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

II Corinthians 4:17
For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison,

Revelation 21:4
and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.

These are just a few from the NASB, with my italics added. What are some of your favorite Bible verses? Feel free to comment or share some other references, too, and take today one step at a time.  ♥ ferree

Restless No More -- A Widow's Story -- Joan Wyrtzen Bagg

Do you attend or lead a widows group? Here are life-lifting verses from a Bible study that my friend Joan Wyrtzen Bagg recently shared with a group. Feel free to use them with your group too! Joan was first widowed at age 47.

When my first husband, Loren Steiner, passed away from cancer I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't understand why the Lord took him home at age 50. One night all alone I asked the Lord why this had happened and what did He want me to do now?

Joan was first widowed at age 47. She was then remarried for 10 years and widowed again. Then, after about 12 years the Lord once again had remarriage for her. This time she and her husband Doug Bagg have been instrumental in founding Grief Care Fellowship to train church members how to help widows and others who journey through grief.

(Click the Grief Care logo here on my blog for more info).  

Read more of her account by clicking here. If you are feeling a sense of restlessness in your life, be sure to read part 2 of her story right here. Maybe the Lord is changing the course of your life too.

You may copy these verses for personal or group use. Please note that they are from the New International Version (NIV), except for the words in italics which Joan used for her group.

God is My Husband 

 (Isaiah 54:5)  “For your Maker is your Husband-the Lord Almighty is His name.”

 He gives me Everlasting Love

 (Jeremiah 31:3)  “I have loved you with an everlasting love.”

I have His Word for comfort

(2 Corinthians 1:3-4)  “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in our troubles (sorrow), so that we can comfort those in any trouble (sorrow) with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. “

His is my security

(Isaiah 41:13) “For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you; Do not fear; I will help you.”

I do not need to worry

(Matthew 7:25-34) “Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; about your body, what you will wear….your Heavenly Father knows that you need them.” 
(Phil 4:19)  “My God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”

When I am lonely He gives me… A song in the night
(Ps 77:6) “I remembered my songs in the night.”
(Jeremiah 31:13) “Turning my mourning into Joy. “

When I am sad I remember…..
(Psalm 118:24) “This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” 
(Philippians 4: 4) “Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say “Rejoice!”

God’s will for me   
(Thessalonians 5:16, 17, 18)“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

The Road to Spiritual Health in 2015

Are you spiritually starving yourself?

Just as the body needs to eat, our spirit needs to be fed God's Word.
I know it's hard to concentrate in the early days of grief, but after a while we should make a concerted effort to spend time reading the Bible in order to grow and get through this ordeal.

1 Peter 2:2 (KJV)
As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby

Why not equip yourself with a good plan for Bible reading or devotions in 2015? Here are two devotionals you can receive by email and some Bible reading plans for your choosing.

Through the Bible In A Year Reading Plans
There are so many Bible reading plans its hard to choose! Personally, I want to focus on the New Testament this year so I'll be using the 5 x 5 x 5 plan. I've used it before and highly recommend it. It will take me through the entire New Testament in 5 minutes a day, 5 days a week, and suggests 5 ways I can get more out of it. I'd love for you to join me in using this plan too! Just click on the PDF, print it, and keep it with your Bible so you can check off each day's reading. The other plans are great, but if you've never read the entire Bible or have trouble concentrating, I think you'll really like the 5 x 5 x 5 plan. Click here to find it and take a look at them all: Bible Reading Plans for 2015

Daily Devotionals
For inspirational reading and comfort you can subscribe to various ministries. There are so many I couldn't begin to list them all so check your denomination, favorite Christian broadcasts or publishers to see what they offer. For grief and widowhood I recommend the following free subscriptions:
A Season of Grief daily emails from GriefShare
A Widow's Might daily emails plus a free ebook on growing through grief

The journey through grief is challenging and rugged. Take it step by step, one day, one moment, one breath at a time but don't starve your spirit along the way! Fuel up with God's Word each day and you'll be in a far better place next year at this time.

Happy New Year!  ♥ ferree

Greater Texting

GreaterTexting.com will send inspirational devotionals to your phone! Check out the video and their website for these low-cost spiritual boosts to your day. You'll be amazed at the variety of topics, and 30% of the cost is donated to a ministry of your choice. They're also designed to send as gifts. It's pretty cool!
We've been talking about a Bible-reading plan for the year ahead, so these devotionals present a good option, too. What sort of daily time with God are you looking forward to for 2012?
♥ ferree
P.S. Thank you to Cindy for joining in to follow this blog! Please visit her blog, too. It's listed on the blog roll--Widows Pursuits, just a click away, so visit today and let her know the WCP says 'hello.'

YouVersion.com Bible Reading Plans

Just like a last-minute Christmas gift, here's a great Bible-reading app for those of you with mobile devices! Explore this website and discover the greatest variety of plans, or customize your own. There are 30 day plans, 90 day plans . . . and on up! Read until you're a 100! :)
http://www.youversion.com/reading-plans/all

If you haven't visited Widows Christian Place before, and you wonder what in the world I'm talking about--what Bible reading has to do with widowhood?-- catch up on last week's posts to find out why everyone should choose a Bible-reading plan to structure their quiet time with God in 2012.
Transforming Quiet Times for Grief
Step 1: Pick a One-Year Bible Reading Plan
Step 2: Prepare to Fail
The First Key to A Transforming Quiet Time
My Personal Key to A Transforming Quiet Time

Why wait until 2012? Jump in early and start today!
♥ ferree

My Personal Key to Transforming Quiet Times

Welcome to Widows Christian Place! Of course, I'm sorry for the reason you're here, but this is a good place to stop in for strength and encouragement on your journey through grief.

Just like your body needs healthy food during grief, so, too, your soul needs the wholesome nourishment found in the Bible. Last week we were talking about choosing a Bible reading plan for the year ahead. I suggested some resources, and I also urged my readers to realize that a plan is just a structure, not a slave driver. Grieving is distracting and chaotic, so expect the unexpected. If (when) you fail to keep up, don't bother trying to catch up on what you missed, just start fresh with the current day.

My 2008, 2009, 2010 and 2011 notebooks

Today I want to share the one essential tool that has become my key to discovering treasures and refreshment in God's Word---a 7" x 5" notebook. See the picture of the notebooks I've kept since 2008?

I've kept journals, diaries and notebooks all my life and the assorted sizes and bindings are as scattered as my thoughts. But I finally found the 7" x 5" spiral-bound page is just right for me for several reasons.

• It's not a large sheet of paper daring me to fill it up
• It's a great size to stack with my Bible and other books
• I can easily stuff it in a purse or carry-on
• It only costs around $2.00
• There are pretty ones out there that don't look like school work (very important!)
• And if, while I'm reading my Bible I remember I need to buy some milk, light bulbs, socks, etc, I can scribble those down and rip out the page without ruining the whole book---you can't do that with a journal or diary binding.

I also like the front pocket where I keep the tiny calendar from my insurance agent and grocery lists. It comes in handy! And there's an elastic pagehold to keep it from flipping open if I'm out and about.

Here's how I use these notebooks during my Bible-reading time. (This is so easy!)

As you can see, I just jot down the date and the verse,
sometimes more, sometimes less.

1. Pray. I tell God I'm ready to listen to Him, to learn what He wants me to learn, and to do what He tells me to do. If I feel convicted of sin at this point I confess it and seek His forgiveness. I usually feel very welcomed into God's presence.                                                                 

2. Read. Then I read the scheduled verses for the day. I mentally note the ones that impress me the most. Sometimes there are so many I don't have time to finish the reading.                                         3. Write. Then I open the notebook. I select one or two of the verses that impressed me most of all, and I simply copy them word for word into the notebook. Sometimes I have to add why the verse spoke to me--like, sometimes it speaks directly about my circumstances or feelings on that very day. But often it seems rather random. That's cool, too, because very often when I read back through my notebook, those "random" verses set a pattern of what God is telling me over a period of a few days, or a week, or a year!

4. Pray. Ideally, I end the time in prayer, sometimes on my knees, sometimes just relaxed. I thank God for speaking to me through the Bible, and ask Him to help me be mindful of Him throughout the rest of the day.     

I feel kind of "exposed" sharing all this because it is rather personal, but I hope you'll see that developing a personal time with God every day doesn't have to be a mystery reserved for only the super spiritual, saintly types (I sure don't fit that category!)

Are you ready to try this?

You only need three things.

1. A Bible, of course. (Let me know if you don't have one and I'll help get one for you).

2. A Bible reading guide. Find one through your church or look over the plans I suggested last week.

3. A notebook. I buy mine at Discount Drug Mart, closest to my house. I'll bet there's a store like that near you, too. Pick out your notebook when you go there to get a gallon of milk. :) God blesses us in these common places!

♥ ferree

The First Key to A Transforming Quiet Time

This week we're exploring how to connect with God during grief; specifically, how to develop a daily quiet time with God. There are two keys to unlock a vibrant and effective walk with God and grow through your grief. The first key is personally accepting God's salvation and love.

God wants a relationship with us. Isn't that amazing? The Creator of the universe + you + me. Sometimes I wonder why He doesn't make us all love Him and respond to Him? He's God, He's powerful enough to do that, right?
Right, but He's also kind. And gentle. And He's given us a free-will to choose Him. Or not. God will not force Himself upon us.

We're separated from God by our humanity, by being flawed with sin. And some of us are pretty proud of that at times. We need to come to grips with the fact that sin separates us from God--its humbling to admit we need Him, realizing that Jesus died on the cross to cover our sin.

Look at it like this: He paid to take away the judgment of our sin. And just as if someone paid for our meal at a restaurant, we need to decide if we will accept their payment, or if we'll argue and object. We either accept Christ paying for us with His death and resurrection, or we refuse to believe. There's no middle ground.

I don't really understand why people refuse to accept Christ's offer of salvation. His purpose in dying for us wasn't to make us raving Republicans, do-gooders or even the nicest neighbor on the block. A lot of people do become a little nicer with Christ in their life, and unfortunately some morph into fanatics, but that's certainly not why Jesus chose to die.  Bottom line--He died to save us from eternity in Hell. Have you ever taken Him up on His offer of salvation?

Scripture tells us over and over how to do that. Here are some examples:
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. Romans 10:9,10
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9

Why not talk to Christ about His offer of salvation. Let Him know if you believe --or not. Ask Him to forgive your sin and make you righteous and pure in God's sight.
Some people like to write their prayer out like a letter. That's a good idea, it's a tangible reminder of this event. Others silently form the words in their mind in the privacy of their home, or in a church or a special place in nature. (My father was in the Navy and his first prayer was while gazing upon the Pacific Ocean). Or you might like to have a friend or pastor pray with you, and tell you some words to repeat.

Or, you might do like a woman I know. For days she'd been hesitating, vacilating between her longing for God and her fear of God. Finally, one day as she was driving around on some errands, she could stand it no longer. She pulled her car to the side of the road, looked up and cried out, "God, take away all this junk!" And you know what? He did. He'll do the same for you. A fresh beginning . . . the real gift of Christmas . . . a transforming relationship with God in the midst of grief.

Sound good? E-mail me or comment below if you have questions or something to add. If you'd like me to pray with you or for you, let me know; that's what I'm here for--to help you know God is with us, He cares, He wants to connect with you. He's the hope we need when life is hopeless. Just like when the shepherds in the Christmas story heard the good news, God enters our lives when the nights are cold, dark and lonely. 

♥ ferree

Step 2: Prepare To Fail

What??!!!! Couldn't I come up with a worse title???!But I'll be honest here, there are days I fall off my plan! Vacations and changes in my work schedule trip me up, as do headaches and flu. And church stuff interferes, too!

If I sign up for a group Bible study I've found I have to choose between my personal Bible reading and the Bible study lessons. It's a tough choice, and at times I've tried to maintain both, but that doesn't work for me. I've got to go with my personal Bible reading or a group Bible study, not both.

All that to say this: take it easy on yourself! Especially while you're mourning. The latter part of my first year of widowhood I signed up for BSF. I quickly flunked out. BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) is a great program, but it was too much at that point. Aim instead to get through a grief support program like GriefShare or Widows Walk before you join a mainstream Bible study.

But back to the daily Bible reading. Let's say you're doing OK with it, keeping up fine, but then you hit Leviticus. . . or Zechariah . . . This is going to sound really unspiritual, but feel free to read somewhere else in the Bible reading plan, OK? Or pick up one of these books (which, coincidently, were each written by a widow). These books are on prayer, which goes hand-in-hand with your time with God:
31 Days of Praise, by Ruth Myers--Read these prayers out loud, because it's not only hard to read the Bible when you're mourning, it's also hard to pray. Somedays there are no words! Reading these prayers out loud reinforces them. Or you might just want to use the Lord's prayer, Matt. 6:9-13. Jesus really says it all in that prayer! Try going through it every day, emphasizing ONE word at a time: OUR Father . . . Our FATHER . . . Our Father IN HEAVEN . . . see what I mean?
Prayer Begins With Relationship, by Cynthia Bezek This is a new Bible study about prayer with 6 chapters you can take at your own pace, allowing about a week per chapter. It will help you begin to listen to God and to recognize His voice. If you've ever felt left out when people start saying, "The Lord told me . . ." then you'll want to get hold of this book.

And sometimes you just have to quit trying so hard. Keep committed to your time with God, but pick up a classic piece of fiction. I don't know why, but Hinds Feet On High Places, Pilgrims Progress and an unusual little book by C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce have been helpful to widows. As you read one of these, maintain the physical habit of a quiet time. Then pick back up on the Bible reading. Don't try to catch up, just start on the current date. No one is grading you, not even God.

Keep trying new routines until you find one that fits. And if you flunk out of BSF, etc. remember that I did, too; or if you can't seem to stay on your plan, remember I have those days, too--but they get farther apart and it's worth it. I know it's frustrating, but grief is a time of transition and adjustment. God is creating something new in your life---and it's you! Beauty will rise from these ashes. You'll begin to find some good. You'll live with far greater passion and life will become precious and rich again.

Come back tomorrow for the key to looking forward to your quiet time with God. And THANK YOU, SUE for being #97! Getting so close to 100 members make me feel like a kid on Christmas morning!
 ♥ ferree

Step 1: Pick A One-Year Bible Reading Plan

Grief is exhausting, physically and mentally! It's hard to cut through "Widow fog" and start up the thinking wheels. But step #1 in transforming quiet time is to set a goal of regular Bible-reading for 2012. Considering a goal and plan ahead of time will help build momentum and willpower.

Regular Bible-reading feeds the soul like food fuels the body. Plus, it's a way to unload. Jesus said,
Come unto me, all you who are heavy burdened . . . Grief is a burden! Developing the discipline of daily Bible reading will soon generate a quiet, restorative time will help lift that burden. Plus, you'll begin to love and look forward to those moments with God. And we all know that during grief we especially need something to look forward to!

The Bible is a collection of 66 books. That's a lot of books to read and a plan comes in to the rescue and help! I'll give you some links and ideas; you decide which would fit you best.

First, find out if your church or Bible study group will be following a plan for 2012. If so, try to follow along so you'll have the local encouragement. I also recommend using Daily Light, as I mentioned yesterday. Especially in the early days of grief, Daily Light has it all right there for you.

Otherwise, check out these 3 free downloadable print-outs from Navigators on this link. Each plan can be started at any point in the year. Each plan schedules 25 readings/month which is great because then you have some free days to catch up or you can spend more time on certain passages.
To help you decide, here are brief summaries for 2 of the 3: (I can't bring myself to recommend the 3rd one during grief, it looks too complicated, and life is complicated enough!)
If you're still raw and in shock with grief, or if your schedule is already too full with children, career or both, or if you've never had a daily time with God before, start out with this plan:
*The 5 x 5 plan gets you through the New Testament in one year, 5 minutes a day. I highly recommend it if you're actively grieving, or if you've never read through the Bible.
If you can spend 15-20 minutes a day, and want to try getting through the entire Bible, try this one:
*The Book-at-a-Time is the plan I use. Each day it lists a set of 3 or 4 chapters to read, plus one chapter of a psalm, poetry or wisdom. You choose one or the other, or both. The important thing is that you've spent time in God's Word. Think of a Bible reading plan like your basic nutrient, and then give yourself the freedom to supplement it with Bible studies or books. The plan is a tool, not an obsession.

If you'd rather follow a topic and have guided Bible interpretation, then devotionals might work better for you, and many come to you directly by e-mail! Here are some suggestions.
1. GriefShare provides A Season of Grief daily e-mail messages. If you're in the first months of grief, or part of a GriefShare group, this is an especially great resource. Sign up today.
2, 3. When you're ready to step back into the mainstream, try Girlfriends In God or Streams In The Desert e-mail devotionals. These are uplifting, well-written, relevant devotionals for women of all ages.

I welcome you to add your favorite Bible-reading plans or devotionals, too, and take a look at the books by widows and widowers on the tab at the top of this blog.

A number of widows have told me that a rather new devotional, "Jesus Calling" has meant a lot to them. I haven't read it it, but I've looked at it online and have read some of the reviews, and from what I can tell, the tips I'll give you on Friday will help you write your very own "Jesus Calling" in 2012!

Check back tomorrow for Step 2, Friday for my secret key to daily Bible reading, and Saturday for dealing with the down days.

Thank you for visiting today, and THANK YOU, JOYCE for putting me one member closer to my Christmas wish of over 100 members! (see photo and icon tiles on right sidebar) God bless you,
♥ ferree