Thursday, June 4, 2015

The New Identity of Widowhood

The New Identity of Widowhood
I have many identities
 daughter, mother, grandmother, friend.
But who am I really? And what do I like?
My PhotoOne day shortly after my husband passed away, I realized my food situation was dire. Like Old Mother Hubbard who went to the cupboard, I found it to be bare.
I decided it was time for a trip to the grocery store. As I walked up and down the aisles of the store I could not find anything I liked to eat. I bought milk and eggs and came home.
After a couple of days I couldn't think of any other way to fix the eggs. I made them fried, scrambled, boiled, and in egg salad. So back to the store I went, and back up and down the isles I searched for something to eat.
What did I like anyway? As I told myself to "get a grip," and, "it's only food, for heaven's sake, find something!" I just couldn't do it. I thought back to what Paul and I ate for dinner. Okay, now I'm getting somewhere. We ate chicken. Then I thought "Do I really like chicken, or did he like chicken?"  I didn't know, but I didn't want any.
So I went back to the dairy department, bought  more milk and eggs and went home.
The next morning as I sat eating those eggs I began to think of the time in my life before I met Paul. What did I like to eat back then? What kind of things did I like to do? Paul and I did everything together. It was hard to even remember me before him.
Then I remembered. When I first met Paul he used to take me out for fresh fish every Friday because 'I LIKED FISH.' For years I didn't cook fish at home because he didn't like the smell of cooking fish.
I went back to the store and bought fish.  I made pan fried fish and I made salmon patties and I enjoyed them. (I did have to spray the house with air freshener.)
Did eating fish make up for the loss of my husband? Never! But it was the beginning of discovering a little more about myself. 
Psalm 139:23,24
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
© 2013 by D. Baksai. Used by permission. Visit her blog, Sunday Mournings and view the original post and comments here.


  1. Oh my goodness!. I can't begin to tell you how much your stories have touched me. You were reading my mind. Yesterday's story reminded me of the fruits (from the example of your grapefruit tree) my husband left behind. He was sad because he didn't think his life would end that way or sure what difference he had made. After his death countless people came forth to share with me about the impact he made in the lives. The second point reminded me that God works all things out for our good and my best is yet to come. God designed me before I ever met my husband and I want to live the rest of my life glorifying and honoring Him. I was so blessed that God gave me a man to love for 33 years but like you I forgot what I liked. I always shopped, bought a car, house etc with my husband and children in mine. I don't know what I like. But, I'm on a journey to find out. Thank you so much for sharing and being faithful to God's calling. Kiss and hugs to you and your precious mom. Jackie in California

    1. Jackie,

      33 years. That is a wonderful blessing.

      I pray the Lord will bless you and walk with you on your new journey.

      Try something new, visit a new restaurant, take a trip, watch a movie your husband wouldn't have watched (like a chick flick, a comedy), listen to music YOU like. Do something nice for YOURSELF. I had gotten so used to doing things for my husband or my kids/grandkids, I didn't know HOW to do anything just for ME. It's a journey you may learn to enjoy in time.

      It doesn't make up for our loss, but it does make us feel like we are still alive and we matter to others and we matter to God.

      Blessings to you,

  2. Thank you. I actually took a trip to Panama with my sister in April. My kids where so shocked. I've been renewing relationships with friends from other states and I'm learning how to be quiet before the Lord. Its been great actually.

  3. Thank you so much for sharing. It is a new idea for me....that I can now figure out what I like. I too spent 33 years doing things, cooking things, etc that my husband and family enjoyed. I will try to have some fun on the journey to see what God shows me!


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