As this new day and another new year dawns on us I find myself searching for relief once again from back pain. And I know you're searching for relief from the pain of grief and a broken heart. I've recovered from that so I know that with the Lord's help you can too. But just as you probably doubt my words, I'm not so sure I'll get over this back problem. It was almost good a couple of weeks ago, but as usual, I thought I was "back to normal" and over did it with Christmas packages and decorating. sigh. So we're not so different after all...
Sometimes it's two steps forward, three steps back on our parallel journeys. Perhaps we each have to accept that and grant patience to ourself. Yesterday I was having a big pity party as I pictured my future of constant pain and not being able to do all sorts of stuff like walk a dog, (or even walk!) pick up a baby, pull a pan of cookies out of the oven, sit through a church service...---sound familiar? I just wanted my health back. We can all personalize that sentence: I just wanted ________ back.
How do you fill in that blank? How do we fill our future with hope rather than despair?
Honestly? I can't tell you with one little blog post. But I know God can as He works to clear the dark channels and chambers of our hearts. And I know He will. But probably not according to our complaints, suggestions, demands... or brokenness and begging. I want instant results but God is a gentleman and does not force His will (or my own) upon me. He waits for my humility and cooperation. He waits for me to give up and admit I'm done. And once I'm at the end of myself and drained of myself He continues to wait for me to realize that all I really need is Him.
Our yearning for what we consider best---whether it be health or husband---that's not what this season of life, this trial or challenge is about. It's more about our realizations, our responses, rather than our expected earthly outcomes isn't it?
I hope you'll walk with me into this new year, exploring these painful mysteries, searching for answers, resting in hope, and discovering anew all that the Lord intends for us. ♥ ferree