Monday, September 8, 2014

5 Tips for Tackling Temptation in the Midst of Grief

Monday's topic is about dealing with grief. The process, the twists and turns, the questions, the hope . . .  So today's topic is an unusual one--very personal, and rarely talked about--temptation. We don't expect to have to deal with temptation in the midst of grief! But the world, the flesh and the devil never take a vacation.

There are run-of-the mill temptations--lashing out in anger when hurt, telling a lie to protect yourself, coveting your neighbor's belongings, and acting selfish and unloving when tired. They're almost as familiar as the air we breathe. But what about the temptation of sexual immorality?

All of the sudden a widow's in Camp Celibacy, a place she didn't sign up for! Not fun! Especially when memories of intimacy with your husband, or in-your-face pictures from our sex-saturated culture, or undeniable physical urges parade through the mind.

Guilty feelings pin us down as we expect the imaginary camp counsellor to come barging through the door at any minute. What can we do with the closet full of desire and adult needs?

First, understand the fine line between temptation and sin.

Temptation happens; we live in a fallen and polluted world. Temptation's fruit hangs in front of us as clearly as it did for Eve (Gen. 3) and Jesus (Matt. 4). Temptation also arises from our appetites, cleverly disguised as needs and yearnings. They're so, so secretive! Part of the attraction is "No one will ever know."

Temptation promises satisfaction, fullfillment and entitlement: "You're only human; you owe it to yourself." We're lured in by thoughts of a small cost compared to a big benefit--"give in just this once to the romance novel, the lingering touch, the suggestive movie and then you'll never have to think about it again." That's the ultimate in false advertising! This onslaught, whether it be loud and blatant or quiet and seductive--these thoughts, yearnings and bargainings--these are temptations. They happen to everyone.

Sin, on the other hand, is born from temptation when we don't immediately look away, resist, or even flee. When we start to toy with scenarios and possibilities, fantasize the next step closer to that man, breathe in another smell of aftershave-- then hook of sin is set, the trap has sprung, the seed has sprouted into sin. It's time to stop, confess the sin to God, repent and change our behavior!(James 1:13-15)
Yet, like Jesus, it's possible to be tempted and not give in to the situation. So we need to call on Him; He can give us the strength and wisdom to resist.

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. (I Corinthians 10:13 NIV)

Second, strengthen yourself with these five ways to resist sexual immorality.
1. Understand that sex outside of marriage is sin. Our culture laughs at that thought. We used to think hippies were counter-culture; now the sexually pure woman is counter-culture! Understand God's view of sex by understanding what God's Word says so you don't conform to the world's attitude. (Romans 12:2) God invented sex; He thinks its great. God condones the pleasures of sex in marriage but God did not intend the body for sexual immorality. (I Cor. 6:13) Learn what God has to say about Christians taking part in the sexual sins of fornication or adultery. (for starters go to I Cor. 6:12-19; I Cor. 7:8,9)
2. Practice confession and receive forgiveness (I John 1:9); put off the old self and put on the new (Gal. 4:17-5:20). Mourn over your loss of this physical ability, and then press on to the new lifestyle and new adventures God has in store for you.
3. Find a female accountability partner--but NOT someone who wants to play "Matchmaker." She should have respect for single women and understand the privileges and challenges of being single. This woman can pray for you and help you walk through dating situations. You should have her cell phone number and permission to call her 24/7. This won't last forever, but she should be willing to be available. If she is single, too, it should be a mutual accountability. If you can't find anyone near you, email me and I'll give you my number.
4. Take thoughts captive. (II Cor. 10:5) Run to Jesus in prayer with the temptations you face. Say, "Lord! Look at this!" Such tempting thoughts evaporate under the truth of God's gaze. You'll find they weren't worth the attention for which they clamored when you pray about them.
5. Don't worry, there's hope! There will be battles, but they will diminish and you will be surprised at how quickly freedom arrives and the struggles get less frequent. If you don't feed the sexual appetite within you it will lie down and rest. It won't die. If you enter into marriage again it will wake up with prime vigor and the joyous freedom of a clear conscience.

This is just a quick snapshot of how God can help us deal with celibacy. Be sure to look into Scripture for yourself and find the resources you need to help you overcome. God doesn't give us more than we can bear. We truly can depend on Him for strength and help today.
Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted. Hebrews 2:18 (NIV)


  1. Thank you, Ferree, for this important post and the encouraging scripture as well!

  2. I'm reading this in 2021 and it means a lot to me. I lost my hubby of 6 years in June 2019, I was 40 at the time. He had a heart attack. His death was so sudden, my life was on mute for a long while. I've gone through all kinds of emotions but this morning I decided to Google "temptations a Christian Widow faces" nothing came up at first but then I saw your blog. Right now I'm all over the place, almost going crazy because I'm not "allowed"to satisfy my yearnings. A boyfriend from my teenage years who's now married, happens to live around my parent's house. He visited and that was the beginning of my worries. We've gone as far as touching... I need help. I know what to do but can't be bothered at this stage.. God help me. I don't have any children.

  3. Dear Ndidi, I'm so sorry for your loss and the position you are in. It is very difficult. Please consider that you are "not allowed" to satisfy your yearnings in the same way that you are not allowed to drive at 120 mph if you wanted to, or to murder if you wanted, etc. or any other variety of sin. This old boyfriend is married and God"s Word says that the marriage bed should be undefiled. Apparently he doesn't care what God has to say, nor does he care about his wife... And, I so I think if you are willing to wait you can do a lot better than him. But, I think you need some good friends to walk through this with you. Please email me at so we can talk about this more. God loves you and has not abandoned you to face a future of emptiness and loneliness..

  4. THIS!! I so understand and get it. I’ve been there and had nonne to talk to about it; these situations are real for anyone, but I believe more so for a widow. It can be so lonely and just to have someone can “feel” so right, but yet can be so wrong. One thing I wish I had was more single women to walk through this with -

    Thanks for sharing Ferree ��


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