How long have you been widowed? Days? Weeks? Months? Years?
In the first
days/weeks/or months (it's different for each person) it seems like you cry non-stop and you never expected it to hurt like
this! Like you're flooded. You didn't know you had so many tears. Then you get a
repreive. You only cry a couple times a day. After a week or two, a couple times
or later--there is no schedule, each goes at her own pace--the crying gets down
to a couple times a month . . . a couple times a year . . . These crying jags
are like labor pains in reverse. While labor pains start out mild and far apart,
grief starts out painful, fast, and intense. The next round of "grief pains" are
a few seconds shorter, a little further apart. They still hit, but most of the
time each new round is a bit diminished; they are a little weaker. Or perhaps
you're a little stronger. Brace yourself for birthdays, holidays and anniversary
pains. Like labor pains, you know they'll come. Prepare for the wave. But these,
too, will become easier to bear.
the "Grief pains" have done their job well, like birth contractions, something
new has been born. When the tears diminish, don't think it's because they've
dried up or you've become numb and indifferent. Tears have watered you like
raindrops, and you've grown and transformed into the resilient, fruitful orchard
of a woman that God had planned all along.