Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Would Have Been 35...

If Bruce were still living on this side of eternity, we would have celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary yesterday. But, that is something that will never be. We only made it 22 1/2 years.

My life didn't turn out as I expected. It's very different from anything I ever expected. Far better than I could have imagined from the pits of grief. And here, on the road ahead, I have a message for those of you wondering what it feels like after the first year, the next year, and the year after that, and the year after that -- In those early years I really didn't know if I'd make it, but I did. I survived, I grew. And I've been surprised to experience some of the happiest days of my life!

But in those early days I had a bunch of dreams tightly clenched in my fist--my life with Bruce, a future with him, career, home, and family. When he died, I lost them all. You know that pain. The emptiness, the loss, the yearning. I tried to recapture those dreams that had vanished. I gasped for hope like a fish on a hook flops around while dying for water.

I was afraid I'd die. I was afraid I wouldn't die.

And now I'm here. I'm OK. I'm good! Even if I hadn't remarried I know I'd say the same.

Tom and I had our 11th anniversary this year. Both of us were widowed in 2000 and we married each other in 2002. Life has been a roller coaster ever since, but this year our wedding anniversary (May 26th) was spent in that wonderful, blissful state of holy ordinary. We didn't even go out for dinner. It was more like, "Oh! It's our anniversary! Happy anniversary!" And the unremarkable comfortability of it was wonderful.

I never before appreciated 'ordinary' so much.

I thought you'd like to know this about me. Not so you'd be happy for me, but rather that you'll be hopeful for you. God is good, and He's full of lovingkindness towards you. ferree
 
For no one is cast off
by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.
Lamentations 3:31,32

12 comments:

  1. Thank you, Ferree, for this post! As I think today about it being two and a half years since I lost Wayne, there is a bit of sadness. Yet God has been so good through it all. He has taught me so many things, and my love for Him is deeper. This post of yours was His gift to me today. Your story is a story of God's grace and goodness in the midst of a very difficult time. Thank you for sharing it!

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  2. Yes, I agree with Sharon. Your story is a story that shows how loving, caring, good, merciful and so much more our Lord is to His daughters. Thank you for sharing it with us and thank you for WCP, LB, and GA.
    Marisol

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  3. Sharon, your comment is God's gift to me! We simply cannot outgive God. When we turn all these things over to Him as sacrifices, some amazing turns and events begin to unfold as you are now seeing in your own life. Hugs to you, as you look back over the past few years too.

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  4. Thank you for this post. To have ordinary days and not ones loaded down with grief, that is a blessing. It will be seven months on the 9th for me, and while I miss my husband of 43 years deeply, God has comforted and strengthened me and does so on a daily basis. He has drawn me closer to Him and that is wonderful.

    FlowerLady

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  5. Ferree, happy anniversary. I loved that you talked about the ordinary, we know how very special the ordiary is. Enjoy many more ordinary days!

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  6. Thanks Ferree. Your encouragement was much needed today.

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  7. The verses you shared are ones my Son #1 chose for himself after our loss. He has it tattooed on his upper arm (he did ask my permission, and I did say yes). He has used it as a witnessing tool and to give encouragement to those who are hurting.

    Beth <3

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    1. P.S. Only the reference with a cross tattooed - not all the verses. Ouch, that would hurt and take up his whole arm. :/ ~ Beth ~

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    2. That's one tat that I'd actually appreciate! What a great guy, and you're a wonderful mom. <3

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  8. Thanks Feree your life and your testimony is big encouragement to me. You are one of the people who have enabled me to see that I am not alone in this life which sometimes appears like I am in the open sea. But your stories among other inspiration from other people emphasizes that the love of God never fails.

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    1. Dear Gertrude, I know how lonely we can feel. It's hard to wait and watch for God's plan to unfold, and sometimes the waves of this open sea of grief get overwhelming. I'm so glad we can hang on to each other as God guides our paths through it.

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  9. OH Ferree. What a beautiful post. I am so thankful that you have been obedient to God and created this forum to help so many of us. Ordinary is so foreign to my vocab presently but you help give hope that possibly some day there will be a wonderful, blessed ordinary day. You are Awesome!!
    Faith

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