Saturday, February 18, 2012

Cocoons Are Lonely Places, But Necessary

Valentines Day was tough for many widows. I don't think they'd choose to forget their love and memories for anything, it's just that manufactured occasions like this accentuate the loneliness and alienation. The feeling of not fitting in is hard to deal with at any stage of life (remember adolesence! ugh!), but add that as a garnish for grief and it makes for a pretty miserable plate. At times it's good to just get alone. Saturdays here on the WCP are devoted to setting time aside for rest and seeking God.
Did you know Jesus took time out, too? There are several times in the gospels when Jesus separated himself from the disciples and/or the crowds. The gist of it is this: “Jesus went to a lonely place, a place of solitude.”

I’ve learned from my friend, Cindy Steffen, who provides a retreat house for the purpose of creating a natural setting for solitude, that scientific research opens a favorable view of being alone. She says that according to psychiatrist Daniel Siegel, “Solitude is an essential experience for the mind to organize its own processes and create an internal state of resonance.”

This lonely time of widowhood in your life is OK. And if Dr. Siegel is right, it's a valuable and necessary recovery time. It’s uncomfortable—more so for some personality types than for others—but it won’t last forever.

It’s not by choice. You didn’t choose to be alone, to be widowed. But God allowed it, so think of the loneliness as a cocoon. It’s a time for your soul to heal: to restructure itself and learn to resonate. One day, I promise, your true, individual self will emerge and be ready to fly.
For now, lay low this weekend.
Rest. . . I hope you’ll check back again on Monday.


  1. I'm beginning to realize that being alone is OK now, Ferree.

  2. Candy, that is huge. * Widow Walk's butterfly logo says it all.


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