Monday, February 7, 2011

Do's & Don'ts for New Widows

Monday's topic is grief. The process, the twists and turns, the questions, the hope . . . Today I've put together several widows answers to the question What advice do you have for new widows?

Here are answers from other widows, and I'd love to add your advice, too!  We can all use a helping hand, and often, another widow is the only person who can really speak to the issue. So please chime in with your comments. Your help is invaluable to others!

I think I would tell them to find a Grief Share group ASAP, spend the money to see a Christian counselor for at least 6-8 weeks after your husband's death, and make sure to be in the Word on a daily basis. Those things have really held me up during these first four months. Joannah

Pray, read God's Word, journal, and rest before you think you feel like you need to. Your true friends will stick by you. Use them and your family in any way you need to. Denise

Find other people who have been through the same thing. Seek counseling, and allow yourself the time to grieve. Cry. –Carol

Do not feel guilty when you find a moment of happiness and joy! Sometimes I think widows don't think they can laugh or have a good time because they don't want people to think they don't care about their husband's death. And I agree with the counseling - if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, find a good Christian counselor. A non-Christian may not be able to connect with your spiritual journey and may want you to push it aside. Christian praise and worship music is EXTREMELY helpful when you can't be reading the Word. It sinks into you and you find yourself listening to the songs in your head, and it is very comforting. -Kelly C.

Well, there are four different perspectives, and each will connect and provide help to someone. What would you tell a new widow?
Add your advice in the comment box, or email me if you want me to add it for you.

And then there are times when any advice is wrong. Those are the times to silently enter the room, remain quiet, and just be there. Without any words.

I was reminded of that as I read the following blog. (Thanks to Megan for the link). From what I gathered there was a car accident in Canada a few days after Christmas. The dad was killed on impact, mom received soft tissue injuries, 3 daughters and 1 son with a range of injuries. Full recovery expected, but multiple surgeries and therapies along the way. If you think you can handle it on top of your own grief, go ahead and read Journeying: The Crater blog post; if not, that's ok, too. In any case, please pray for this mom and her kids.



  1. I would tell a new widow as painful as it is, face your grief. Embrace it because if you try to run from it, it will come back and bite you. There is no certain length of time for a widow to grieve. Each of us have different personalities and different circumstances surrounding our lives and the deaths of our husbands.

  2. My advice is do not let anyone expect more of you than you can expect of yourself. People will tell you what they think you should be doing and in what time frame. Allow yourself to grieve and adjust in God's perfect timing. I have been given some well intentioned, but very hurtful, advice. I point out that they should imagine their own daughter in this situation and then give the advice they would want someone else to give her.


Thank you for taking the time to comment. I am not always able to reply but your remarks mean a lot to me and will appear as soon as possible.

Here are some tips for commenting:
Remember to click the Publish button when you are done.
Choosing the anonymous identity is easiest if you do not have your own blog.
Using a computer rather than a cell phone seems to work better. Thanks again!