Monday, October 18, 2010

A Question for God

Dear Friends,
Deb, from Suddenly A Widow graciously let me share her blog with you today. In this letter to God she ponders the dramatic miracle we all witnessed last week as 33 miners lives were spared.

Dear God,

It's me. I know you know that I've had days, weeks and months really, where I've been really angry with you. But you took it well and loved me anyway. Thanks for that. I know you've been with the boys and I as we're learning how to survive without Austin and some days I feel like we will actually make it to a future that isn't shrouded in sadness. Tonight I'm caught between being extremely thankful for your blessings, confused as to how it gets decided who gets miracles, and angry, jealous and bitter that it wasn't my family on the receiving end of a miracle that would have saved Austin. I know, I'm selfish. Please forgive me. When my kids are hurt, my mother bear instincts kick in, and sometimes that means I can be a little self-centered and selfish, on behalf of my family. I'm only human after all.

Since August, I've been following the drama involving the miners trapped 700 metres below the surface in a Chilean mine. We've talked about it at home, I've talked about it with my students at school and I've even sent you a few prayers that the men make it home safely to their families. Tonight, you started answering my prayers and the prayers of thousands of other people. The boys and I watched as the first two miners emerged from their underground hell to the arms of their families, rescuers and even the president of Chile. Your blessings were abundantly clear. And as I watched the joyful scene with tears in my eyes, I started wondering some uncomfortable things.

Who decides who gets the miracles? Why did these miners get miracles while others have died a horrific death underground? Why do some people on airplanes make it to their destination while others die in tragic crashes? Why do some people walk away from car accidents while others perish at the scene? Why do some people survive cancer while others battle with every ounce of their life force and yet they still don't survive? Why do some people have heart attacks and survive while others, who seemingly do all the right things to live, collapse and die without time to say goodbye to their family? Who decides which families get the miracles?

I observed my sons watching those dads emerge from the mine tonight and hug their wives and children. And though my boys never said a word I could read their thoughts written all over their faces. I know they were asking themselves, and probably you, God, "why do those kids get to hug their dads who've survived an incredibly difficult ordeal but my Dad didn't survive for me to hug and appreciate the miracle of more time with him?" As I read that painful question on my boys' faces, the ugly emotions of anger and jelousy arose in my gut.

I know the ugly emotions are wrong, but they are real. I am truly happy for those families in Chile and my soul is lighter knowing a great miracle happened on our planet. There is too much sadness and violence in the world today and I will sleep better knowing that those men are on their way to safety. But I really would like to know how it gets decided who gets the miracle and who doesn't. And for those of us who don't get the miracle, why?????

Thanks for listening, God. And please tell Austin we love him to infinity and beyond.....
Do you find yourself asking the same questions as Deb? Do you want to reach out and put a hand on her shoulder so she knows she's not alone? Feel free to comment here. I'd also encourage you to read the comments people left at Deb's blog and comment there if you'd like, too.
Blessings on you, dear one. God knows, He does care. Even if you feel He's very far away, trust His promise, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." 

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