Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I'm A New Widow . . .

Dear Readers,
I received this email yesterday and I just know that some of you will have good encouragement for this new widow. I received her permission and have posted it in her own words, except to omit her full name and location. If the Lord nudges you, please don't keep it to yourself, but add a comment below, or email me at WCPlace@gmail.com and I'll either forward your words to Cookie or paste them in the comment box, whichever is most fitting. Blessings on you all, ferree
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My name is Cookie and I live out west. My husband and I came here four years ago this month to retire and enjoy our life together... a life where we worked hard to save and looked forward to the time when we could kick back and enjoy each other & the fruits of our labor. We have no children, God did not bless us that way but He Blessed us with an awesome marriage and a love that grew with each passing day.

On May 21st Pete had a test that found a tumor in his esophagus. The doctors admitted him that very day. We were devastated with this news but the doctors assured both of us that it was treatable since further tests showed that it had not metastasized anyplace else, and that with aggressive daily radiation & chemo therapy we could beat this dreadful cancer.

We prayed and had everyone we knew put Pete on their prayer chain. He was very encouraged with the news and he knew that God would heal him and that all would be good again. My dad, who is 86 and lives with us, is a colon cancer survivor, so we knew cancer could be beaten.

The following week he started daily radiation treatments and chemo therapy simultaneously... things seemed to go well but a week and a half later Pete was feeling pretty weak.

By June 7th Pete had diarrhea... we told the Cancer Center and they just said it was a side effect of the treatments. The next day we complained about it again... they said to just take Imodium. It caused Pete bloating and discomfort and did not stop it.... as we couldn't get enough fluids in him to compensate what he was losing. By Wednesday the 9th he was feeling very weak and I pleaded with the nurse that they had to give us something better to stop the runs. They called in a prescription but the pharmacy wouldn't have that medication until the next day.

That night I called 911 and we took him to the Hospital.... 24 hours passed before they gave him medication to stop the diarrhea because they had to run tests and diagnose what type they were dealing with.

In the meantime Pete was getting worse. By Friday I pleaded with our Oncologists to get us out of that hospital and transfer Pete to another Hospital where he could get better care.... he agreed ... but Pete was now so unstable that the Hospital refused to release him and instead transferred him to Intensive care where they tried everything to save him. However it was too little too late and he lost his battle at 8:20 am Saturday morning June 12th.

I have been devastated ever since and I am having a very difficult time dealing with this loss. My husband of 28 wonderful years is now gone and I am left to carry on without his loving companionship. He was everything to me...

I know he is with Jesus because Pete was a Godly man who loved the Lord with every fiber of his being. Of that I am certain.... and I know that God will get me through this. But I hurt so bad.... I have friends and neighbors that check in every few days.... but the calls are getting less frequent. They have their lives to live and their families to deal with and listening to me is probably the last thing they want to do. So I put up a good front as much as I can...just so that I don't lose them. Right now they are my lifeline. When they hear me... they are happy that I am dealing with the loss telling me God is getting me through each day. But they have no clue how dark my days are and how endless the nights are to me... I can't sleep... I miss him so much & I'm so lost without him.

I don't want to live like this... but I will not let myself think of the alternative. God wants me to take care of my Dad and for now my obligation keeps me going... but I don't know past that. I have always been a planner... Pete & I would love to sit on our porch and plan the things we were going to do and we always looked toward the future together. Now I can't see beyond the chore I am doing at the time. I don't know how to cope.

Financially it has changed my life too.... Pete was 12 years older than I and so I am not eligible for his social security and they still haven't transferred his pension to me... it's in limbo right now. I need to find a job, but the fact that I have my Dad who needs to be taken to Doctor appointments and such keeps me from making that decision. Besides I haven't worked for the last 7 years so I am not very marketable.

I feel like I'm drowning in a glass of water... an expression my late Mom use to say when someone felt so overwhelmed they couldn't cope even with small issues. But I am overwhelmed... I now have to take care of this large property on my own as well maintaining the house and being a caregiver. I'm not afraid of the work.... I'm just lonely... I can't stop missing him. The joy has just left my heart.

I go to a Bible study on Wednesday mornings... and when it comes time to sing praise & worship songs, I usually end up in tears. My friends can't seem to understand that my heart is saddened and that I can't sing. It doesn't mean I don't love God or want to praise Him for all that He has done and continues to do for me.... it's just that my spirit is sad. Does that make sense??

I have taken a lot of your time.... Thank you for having a website where we can go and see how others are coping. Also, thank you for listening...

I don't know my way around your site yet but I will keep trying. I found it after I Googled "Widow feeling sad" this evening.

God Bless you and your ministry,

Cookie
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OK, dear readers, send your encouragement and love to this new widow. I wrote her yesterday as best I could, but I know the Lord will use you to minister as well. Thank you for being a blessing. (fbh) 
(Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/24871509@N02/3422838373/)

5 comments:

  1. Cookie, my heart goes out to you! My husband of just 28 months passed away in March of kidney cancer. We were trying to start a family. It's devastating.

    The Lord will see us through this season of grief. I have benefited from Grief Share. Please visit their site (www.griefshare.org) and sign up for their daily emails, and find a group in your area.

    I also recommend Grace for the Widow, by Joyce Rodgers.

    The aftermath of our husbands' death is overwhelming. We just have to take it one day, or one hour at a time clinging to the Cross.

    I will be praying for you. ((hugs))

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  2. Dear Cookie
    My heart aches for you because you are in the raw stage of grieving.You're in the middle of the ocean with huge waves washing over you and coming so quickly.
    As time begins to heal, the waves of grief are a little further apart until eventually they are just every so often.

    Keep alive in your heart all the wonderful memories of your husband and thank God again and again for the precious gift of him in your life. Dwell on the positive, the negative just pulls us down.

    God has a plan for you, listen closely so that you can hear what it is.Helping others does help.
    I've been a widow for almost 5 years. I still miss my husband tremendously but I am living a very full and happy life.

    Grieving the Loss of Someone You Love by Raymond R. Mitsch and Lynn Brookside was very helpful for both myself and my daughter.

    I will be praying for you as you walk this journey of grief. Remember, that God walks with you also and at times carries you when you need it the most.

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  3. Dear Cookie,
    I was recently widowed too, in March. My husband died in his sleep unexpectedly. I will be praying for you. I can relate to may of the things you said. People drop away and really don't understand what you're gong through. Just know that you are not alone and people you may never know really do care.

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  4. Cookie, you express so eloquently the devastation and raw grief that overwhelms you following the death of your beloved husband. I can identify with so much of what you say.
    Like you, I was married to a wonderful man who loved and served the Lord with every fibre of his being. We were blessed with 35 wonderful years of marriage and also 3 wonderful kids, so I feel I have so muich to give thanks for.
    However, he died from liver cancer(metastases, they never could find the primary tumour) in January, 2010 following frustratingly slow investigations of pain and vomitting for the previous three months. We finally got the diagnosis when it was too late for treatment,his condition by then being so weak.He died 4 weeks after diagnosis.
    Like you, I am grateful for the support of friends and in my case my lovely children. However, I feel the anguish and sense of devastation is such that no-one else, not even those who truly love us, can appreciate or alleviate. It feels such a lonely path to walk.
    My heart aches with longing and loss of my beloved George and there is a space within my heart that nothing or no-one can ever fill. It will, I trust with God's grace and strength ease over time, but for the moment it seems we have no option but to endure the pain we feel.
    I believe, though that we can give God honour by CHOOSING to keep believing in the resurrected Christ, ou Lord and Saviour, even when our hearts are flooded with fear and doubts of every kind. He know our weaknesses and His Father's heart is tender towards us.
    There is truly a Fellowship of Suffering, not one we would choose to be part of but I trust that as we reach out to one another in our pain we shall be comforted and filled with hope and strengthn to go on.
    God bless you, Corrie.

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  5. Dear friends, thank you for sharing wisdom and comfort from your hearts to Cookie. Truly there is a fellowship in suffering, it's following God's path for us. I'm sad we're here, but glad we're here together and with Him.

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