Widow’s Christian Place

Memorial Day, Every Day

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Mon, 28 May 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Every day is memorial day for a widow. Perhaps this national remembrance is meant to tell you that our entire nation feels your grief in one way or another. It's just that big.

But our good Lord is bigger and you are not alone.
So today, when you hear a soldier playing Taps, remember the last line, "God is nigh." Say a prayer to thank God for His presence and the freedom we have to acknowledge it. And then, thank a soldier or veteran. Thank him not only for his own efforts, but because he's a representative of the ones that you can't see who are in Arlington and countless other graves all over the world.

I send a sincere "thank you" to soldier wives and widows all over our country. I'm sure I can speak for everyone reading this and say, "our hearts are with you."

Blessings on you and prayers for the world today,
♥ ferree

Army Bugler Playing Taps
in Front of Headstones at Arlington National Cemetery.
Stock Photograph by Department of Defense Public Domain

P.S. Blog posts will be sporadic for the next few weeks. Signing up for email notifications is a convenient way to know when new posts arrive. (see the FOLLOW BY EMAIL box in sidebar) I will continue to try to reply to emails, comments, and Lifeboat requests, but I want you to know my computer will be loaded on a moving truck for almost a week, so please forgive my absense (no, I'm not mobile, it's a miracle I can blog, lol!). I look forward to getting settled and back to visiting with you each day, though! And in July---don't forget---there will be a FREE BOOK GIVE-AWAY with all sorts of good books for widows! Now before you leave this page, remember to sign up for email notifications so you don't miss out! ♥

A Prayer for Widows With Teens

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Sat, 26 May 2012 12:00:00 +0000

In these days brimming with proms, graduations, open houses, college applications and summer job hunting, widows with teens, and teens without dads, sometimes put up a fragile front. Please be sensitive to them---yes, they DO miss him. The world will never, ever know how much. Please pray for them.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Your Word says you will be a father to the fatherless. We come before you today in humility and neediness to ask you to fulfill your Word in the lives of fatherless teens today--for their benefit as well as the relief and benefit of their mom.

Lord, many widowed moms fall into bed each night wrung out beyond exhaustion---and then they can't sleep! Their minds overload with stress and "to do" lists as they take on the work and responsibilites of two adults, and add to that the concern for the future of their children. Please send them kindness and rest, and help them recognize your good hand of mercy and blessing.

We pray their teenagers will know your salvation. That if they have not yet received it, you will stir them through the work of your Holy Spirit and make them alive in Christ. Protect them from the blind rage and bitterness of grief. Use this time of their life to turn them to you. Help their mother to help them, and not to be so buried in her own grief that they are neglected.

Cover them, both teens and moms, with your grace; that they may begin to live again, lifted from the ashes, growing in your grace, hope and purpose.

Fill them with a love for learning from Scripture. May it be a lamp unto their feet and a light for their path during these days of new beginnings, passions and hormones. Strengthen them morally and give them each the courage to be morally pure in thought, word and walk. Grant understanding and respect --that the teens respect their mom, and that the mother understands and respects her children--and herself. Protect her from the temptations of escape and help her uphold the moral standards she desires for her family. May the Holy Spirit cut through her grief and fill her with the comfort and guidance of Scripture.

Guide them, Lord. I'm praying big on this one, far beyond the blessings I can imagine; I ask that you open doors for them that lead to wisdom, goodness, abundant joy and the spread of your kingdom. May their desire be to live according to your will. Protect them and deliver them from evil.

In Your Name we pray,
amen.

Friday Fun: Test Your Baby Knowledge

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Fri, 25 May 2012 12:00:00 +0000

It's Friday--time for a grin. Spring is in the air, flowers and baby showers are popping up all over, so here's a good little test you can use at a baby shower. And speaking of babies, may God especially strengthen and bless the widows with babies!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly. (Particularly with boys)
(Author Unknown)

I hope this gave you a giggle. Feel free to send your favorite jokes or funny stories to post on Fridays.

♥ ferree

Free E-Cards

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Thu, 24 May 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Hi Everyone,

This resource appeals to a general audience, not just widows, but it has enough free-stuff and Christian inspiration that I think you'll find it beneficial. Who doesn't like free?

I've received lovely, heart-felt greeting cards from friends who use this website; and I've sent their free e-cards myself. And if I can do it, anyone can! :)
So take a look at DaySpring At the bottom right side of the page you'll see RESOURCES. Under that is where you'll find

FREE E-CARDS
FREE MOVIES which are some beautiful Bible verse videos,
FREE SCREEN SAVERS

Enjoy!

♥ ferree

A Widow With Enough

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Wed, 23 May 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Welcome to WCP, although that's always awkward to say, because I'm sure we'd rather not meet this way if you're widowed. However, I am glad you're here and hope you'll find some benefit. Wednesday is the day for widows' stories, whether they come from history, the Bible or among ourselves.

I Kings 17:7-16 "The Widow of Zarephath"

Zarephath was a coastal village between north of Israel, in Phoenicia. This widow wasn't an Israelite; she lived in the heart of an idol worshipping country but by her works we know she trusted the Lord Jehovah.

During a drought the prophet Elijah came through her town and said “Feed me before you use the last of your food for yourself and your son.” Instead of saying, "What? Are you crazy? I can't let us starve to death! Hit the road!" she used the last of her ingredients to bake him a little cake of bread.

After that though, oddly enough, she found enough ingredients to make some more for her son and herself. They'd live another day. Day after day she’d bake more bread to feed Elijah, herself and her son. She would use the last of her reserves and resources every day, but with each new day there was always more. Always enough.

Do you use up the last of your reserves every day? When you go to bed each night are you running on empty? So was this widow. But each new day brought her what she needed to survive. Her little bit of trust in God was renewed each day. God always provided just enough.

I think this widow would agree with Lamentations 3:22, 23 which says, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness!" Day after day God provides for us day by day. Not always more than we need, but we can be thankful it's never less than we need.

♥ ferree

When Pain Is Prolonged

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Tue, 22 May 2012 12:00:00 +0000

"Most friends will not continue to sympathize with you---be tolerant of them anyway . . ."

"God will often be silent and seem very distant to you--- trust Him anyway . . ."

"There's a big difference between God's silence and His absence . . ."

These are a few quotes I jotted down from this fantastic sermon from my pastor on May 6. Here are the main points:

Accept your experience as a test
Repeat the spiritual disciplines even though they seem empty at times
Be realistic--you may be in for the long haul. So dig in.
Remember that God promises to reward those who endure

I wish I could formulate this sermon into a pill and take one every day!

The next best thing is to take it in by listening. All you have to do is click here to go to my church's website, sit back and soak it in. I think you'll really benefit! 05/06/12 - When Pain is Prolonged
by Cornelious Hancock

The Exhaustion of Grief

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Mon, 21 May 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Do you feel a heavy weariness, like you’ve been running a rugged trail with no end in sight? Do you find yourself letting out a deep sigh every now and then, or staring blankly into space, your mind stalled?

Grief is work. Hard work. It's emotionally and physically exhausting. You’ve involuntarily entered an unfamiliar and harsh new sphere without your lifetime friend and support.

All decisions are up to you, and at a time when it’s hard to decide what shoe goes on what foot, the decisions you face are far more important and complex than what shoe? what foot?

The most crucial decision we can make, however, is to acknowledge the exhaustion, the weakness, the draining neediness and vulnerability. It's great if you have friends who understand, but there's a certain something that happens when you tell God how you feel about it.
II Corinthians 12:9
". . . My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness . . ."

It's almost like God is attracted to weakness and neediness. When I'm low--Boom--He is there, waiting to energize me. When I'm tired, frightened, weak, uncertain, insecure, drained, discouraged, anxious, heartsick or broken He is at my side with the sufficient opposite grace to transform the need into an opportunity to experience His strength.

Sometimes it's hard to recognize when God's grace is sufficient, when His power is perfect, but my prayer for you is that this week your eyes are opened to His work in your life. What weakness might God want to counteract with His grace in your life this week? Talk to Him about it and be open to accepting His grace in the infinite variety of forms it may take this week . . . maybe it's just getting this blog for this day, seeing a persistent dandelion poke up through a crack in the sidewalk, having a tangible need fulfilled . . . or hanging on for one more sunrise . . . in any case, if you're on the verge of exhaustion, you're on the verge of God's grace. It's coming, it's coming! Let me know how I can pray for you or help you hang on.
♥ ferree

Music Video: Do You Dare to Choose? Josh Wilson - Before The Morning

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Sat, 19 May 2012 12:00:00 +0000

This music video ties together the pain and waiting of suffering that seems so senseless.

Contrary to the instant gratification culture we live in, a person doesn't just believe and gets zapped with a new and happy outlook. We're not equipped with push buttons like that. You don't just jump up from grief all happy and victorious. Some do bounce back quickly and that's good and its possible. But for most of us, it's never fast enough.

We need to recover, rest, and re-learn life. One. day. at. a. time. Sometimes. moment. by. moment. As painful as it is, we're the survivor, God has us here for a reason, and we have a choice--do we dare to believe God can bring good about in our life?

So, as I intend every Saturday, I urge you to carve some rest for your soul this weekend. Be still. Listen to your heart beat. Breathe deeply, in and out. Dare to wait for God. Feed your soul some spiritual food by attending church this weekend. It's hard, I know. That's why you must rest in the Lord.
Psalm 145:15
Now's the time to rest. Joy will come if you let it, so be rested so you can receive it.

♥ ferree

Crazee Testing Today

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Fri, 18 May 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Even widows need a laugh . . .
Take your time and see if you can read each line below out loud without making a mistake.
(The average person over 40 years of age can't do it!)

This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is an cat
This is old cat
This is person cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.
Smile and pass it on.

Have some fun today,

♥ ferree

The Teacup Story

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Thu, 17 May 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Here's a lovely idea for a gathering.
Have everyone bring her favorite or prettiest teacup or coffee mug.
Read aloud "The Teacup Story."
Share a meal or light refreshments along with lots of tea and coffee!
Ask for prayer requests and close with prayer.

This sounds so simple, doesn't it? It is! But be prepared for a flood of conversation and have a box of Kleenex out in case there's a flood of good tears, too.
♥ ferree

* The Teacup Story *
Anonymous

        There was a couple who used to go to England to shop in the beautiful stores. They both liked antiques and pottery and especially teacups. One day in this beautiful shop they saw a beautiful cup.They said, "May we see that? We've never seen one quite so beautiful."
        As the clerk handed it to them, suddenly the cup spoke."You don't understand," it said. "I haven't always been a teacup.There was a time when I was red and I was clay. My master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over. I yelled out, 'Leave me alone,' but he only smiled, 'Not yet,' he said."
        "Then I was placed on a spinning wheel," the cup said,"and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. 'Stop it! I'm getting dizzy!' I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, 'Not yet.'
        "Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat!" the teacup said. "I wondered why he wanted to burn me, and I yelled and knocked at the door. I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head, 'Not yet.'"
        "Finally the door opened. He put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. 'There, that's better,' I said. And he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. 'Stop it, stop it!' I cried. He only nodded, 'Not yet.'"
        "Then suddenly he put me back into the oven, not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I knew I would suffocate.I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. All the time I could see him through the opening, nodding his head saying, 'Not yet.'"
        "Then I knew there wasn't any hope. I would never make it. I was ready to give up. But the door opened and he took me out and placed me on the shelf. One hour later he handed me a mirror and said, 'Look at yourself.' And I did. I said, 'That's not me; that couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful.'"
     "''I want you to remember,' he then said. 'I knew it hurt to be rolled and patted, but if I had left you alone, you'd have dried up. I knew it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I knew it hurt and was hot and disagreeable in the oven,but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked. I knew the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened; you would not have had any color in your life. And if I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you wouldn't survive for very long because the hardness would not have held . . . Now you are a finished product.You are what I had in mind when I first began with you.'"
~ Author Unknown

The word which came to Jeremiah from the Lord saying,

"Arise and go down to the potter's house, and there I shall announce My words to you."

Then I went down to the potter's house, and there he was, making something on the wheel.

But the vessel that he was making of clay was spoiled in the hand of the potter; so he remade it into another vessel, as it pleased the potter to make.

Then the word of the Lord came to me saying, "Can I not, O house of Israel, deal with you as this potter does?" declares the Lord. "Behold, like the clay in the potter's hand, so are you in My hand, O house of Israel." Jeremiah 18:1-6 (NASB)

Put Some Promises In Your Pocket

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Tue, 15 May 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Do you hear about people who cling to the promises of God and wonder how they do it?

Are they really spiritual, with tons of memorized Bible verses that play like a ticker tape in their head?

I'm not one of 'em. I wish I were, but . . . I fall far short.

So this is what I do: I make a copy of God's promises to me and stuff them in my pocket or purse. If a picture of a squirrel burying nuts comes to your mind, that's about it. lol. Some days I remember to pull them out and read them when I'm feeling low, and other days I completely forget about them until I reach in, feel the slip of paper, and am delighted all over again with God's good news to me.

What are some of your favorite verses? Why not add them to the comment line today--they'd be a great encouragement to others! Thanks for stopping in today, and I hope this gives you a little lift.

♥ ferree

Grief Can Be A "Moving" Experience, Too

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Mon, 14 May 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Dear Reader,
On Mondays we deal with grief issues. One of my very first readers, Annette, suggested these questions for widows: Should you move? and if so, how soon should you move out of your house?

Here are some wise words from other's experiences.

Bridgette: Not only did I move to a new house, but I moved 700 miles away. It was and is bittersweet, but I don't regret it. We needed a fresh start where we weren't constantly reminded that Kent isn't here anymore.

Kelly: I moved about two months after my husband died. It was hard and I am still not sure it was right for me but it was right for my daughter :)
Polly: I moved 300 miles away, leaving behind everything I had ever known. My heart is still there and it will always be home. Still, it was the absolute, without a doubt, best thing I could have done. Memories are wonderful and painful at the same time ... they were everywhere I looked, in every nook and every cranny. I slowly began to see I would take those memories with me and perhaps lessen the pain a little. I miss home. My oldest son and several grandchildren still live there. Until last summer, when I went to visit, I could not bear to even look at the street with our house, nor could I go to the cemetery. Last time my son said "Mom, let's go for a little ride and look at some of the country." We drove by our house and through my tears, I saw it for the first time. I squeezed his arm tightly as he drove on to the cemetery. We both got out and it was like a healing! Now I can go and be so grateful for the time I had, take flowers and feel the joy I knew 'back in the day' once more. My son is very wise, indeed!

Annette: After two months I made a big move from Shelbyville, TN to Wisconsin to be with my children and grandchildren. I know this is where I need to be but I think if I had to do it over again I might have taken a few more months to get thru my grieving period. We had been married for thirty five years and it was really hard for me to think about life without him. Moving up here and being with my grandchildren helped me to get thru it. The most important thing for my life was that God was by me thru it all. He was there in the night when I would wake and cry out in loneliness and he gave me such peace and joy.

Myra: I became a widow 15 years ago at the age of 39; my daughters were 10 and 5. I decided to stay in the house. The kids were with their friends and we had our church family. Had I moved back to my home town, I would have had to be totally dependent on my parents. At 39, that was just not feasible. I am so glad we did stay. I have a close widow friend, whose story very closely parallels mine, but she chose to move to the town where her brother lived. She says she wishes she hadn’t. She left behind not only the memories, but her friends and her boys’ friends as well.
I would advise anyone to wait at least a year if children are involved and a couple of months if it is just the spouse. Give yourself time to make the right decision for you and your children, not for your family, even though they feel they are giving you the best advice. It’s your life and you have to live with the decisions. You must begin to make decisions on your own, as tough as it is.

MaryLou: Our house had been up for sale and when it sold I did move because that had been our plan . . . but *everything* in my life changed. I moved from Kansas City to Colorado Springs. I have a lovely, sunny, fully-equipped apartment on the lower level of my daughter and son-in-law's home, but my life was ripped out by the roots and plunked down in a "foreign" soil. I struggled to make good friendships and find a church home etc. I never liked "change". I had lived in the same house for 30 years and in the same town for all of my married life. The Lord was really stretching me.

***

What about you? Have you moved or thought about moving? Jump in and tell us about your experience and any advice you can pass along. Please click the comment line below and fill in the box or email your insights to wcplace@gmail.com Thanks!

Teleconference A "Widow's Walk" Group!

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Thu, 10 May 2012 12:00:00 +0000

If it's hard to find a widows support group in your area, there's an alternative: a Widows Walk group by phone!
My blogger friend, Candy, at Reflections From My Porch Swing, told me about this upcoming group which she can personally and highly recommend! If interested, send your questions and requests for registration forms to Candy at candyfeathers@gmail.com

Here's an invitation to this group, straight from the Widows Walk founder, Christy Cassidy Bartz.

Dear One:

I am so very sorry for your loss. Because of my own personal experience with the death of my spouse and the grief that ensued, I understand the journey. In an effort to help others in their time of grief I founded Widow’s Walk, a ministry specific to widows and their needs.

Widow’s Walk and I desire to join you on your journey. While the path of widowhood can be difficult at times, we hope to offer support and encouragement. In an effort to assist you in your grief we would like to invite you to join us by phone for; From We to Me: Your Journey through Grief. This is an 11-week grief recovery course that focuses on issues specific to widows, topics such as; establishing a new identity after loss, disappointment, loneliness, acceptance, hope and purpose, many other grief topics will be discussed as well. We are offering two different sessions at our office for your convenience.

From We to Me: Your Journey through Grief

$100.00

(Scholarships available upon request)

Widow’s Walk

7000 S. Yosemite Street, Suite 202

Centennial, CO 80112

Monday Evenings

June 4, 2012 – August 6, 2012

6:30p.m. – 8:00p.mOR
Friday Mornings

June 1, 2012 – August 3, 2012

10:00 a.m.-11:30 a.m.

Beside you,

Christina Terry Cassidy Bartz
Founder, Widow’s Walk

Widow's Story: Phyllis Vavold

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Wed, 09 May 2012 12:00:00 +0000

I met Phyllis via telephone a few weeks ago, and I'm so happy to introduce her to readers here on the WCP! She's a real encouragement, and with all that the Lord has brought her through, you will feel strengthened and renewed when you hear her story of surviving this tragedy.

One moment she's talking with her husband as they motor down the highway to their vacation destination in Oregon . . . in the next they are slammed head-on with 130-miles-per-hour of a teen-powered stolen car.

Hear what happened and how Phyllis found the strength to cope and heal by clicking here for the inspiring broadcast on Words to Live By from RBC Ministries. Visit her website at www.phyllisvavold.com to find out more about God's grace and provision during the terrible storms of life.

Sign up for email notifications (see box on sidebar) so you won't miss the upcoming interview I'll have with her, AND in July . . . (drumroll) . . . her wonderful book will among titles featured in the WCP's very first free book give-aways!
♥ ferree

Curious Cause of A Weepy Moment

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Mon, 07 May 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Here's a Facebook conversation between widow friends. I thought you'd be curious about it---have you've had this sort of experience, too?

♥ ferree

Weepy moment story. (4/25/12 from The Gathering Place, hosted by Carol M. on Facebook, used with permission)

Kelly--My husband (John) was a painter - residential and commercial. He and his Dad owned the paint store here in town. I hired a guy to retexture and repaint my son Matthew's room because we (finally) took off the kiddie wallpaper and border. So the guy painted today. I walked into the house after work and almost immediately burst into tears. The house smells like fresh paint. The house smells like John.

KL--Awww, it's the strangest things that cause us to mourn, right? Love my friend!

Kelly--I went into the room and just sat down in the middle of the floor and cried. Felt really good, actually. Must have needed it. We do sometimes, you know? Don't deny yourself the privilege of crying, really. It's a gift from God.

Kelly--‎@ KL - isn't it though? I would have never thought the smell would totally wreck me like that. But, blessings abound in tears, and I grew close to the Lord as I wept.

KL--Amen!

Becky--I cried 2 weeks ago when we went to the Cemetery to see our Monument for the 1st time! It just seemed so final at that point, even though Tommy has been gone for 10 months!! I can be laughing one minute at a memory of him and crying the next, but I just let the tears flow and then I get busy and try to stay strong for my family. I have a great support group in my family and his!!!

Kelly—Blessings to you Becky!

Joann--Kelly, I bet you never saw that one coming. I can never decide if those sensory reminders are good or bad.

Kelly--Nope, didn't see it coming. But I count them as blessings, really. The guy stained a new closet door for me, too... and since John would regularly stain doors and trim, that smelled like him too. I loved being surrounded by that smell... it was like a hug from him. Sent from God to comfort me. Doesn't mean I don't miss him... I just liked the "hug". :)

Sandy--I think our sensory of smell can trigger stronger memories sometimes than anything else! Steve had this one aftershave he always wore and it took me forever to get rid of that bottle. But, I finally did! Then I bought a Scentsy scent that smelled just like it! So, I have that going usually in my spare bedroom. Still gotta have my Satin Sheets Scent in my bedroom! LOL! Hang in there Kelly!

Carol--The sense of smell is definitely the strongest trigger of memories, good, bad and ugly. Not just about Tim, but other people and even phases of life. Running a close second to smell is music. I can get wrecked by a song faster than anything. I think as you are closing doors and new ones are opening Kelly, you needed that release of emotions. :-) Keeping you lifted up sweet friend!!

Kelly--But here's something strange - maybe you guys have thoughts about this too. John wore Aramis cologne. I still have the bottles, and I sometimes spritz the bedroom. THAT has never made me cry, it always makes me smile. This paint thing really blindsided me. Any idea why that would be?? Or, is the answer obvious - I'm just weird. LOL >^_^<

Carol--You're not weird. There is no weird in widowhood! Certain things don't bother me when I think about Tim that I think should bother me, and things that blindside me. I think it's because you are expecting the memory when you smell the Cologne. The paint you were not expecting to affect you. Our minds are sometimes our worse enemies.

Thought For Today

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 12:00:00 +0000

If the Artist can create such a masterpiece from light,
air, and water vapor, how much more
can He do with our lives? Ruth Lovelace 4/25/12

Support Groups for Widows

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Joyce, Carol, Ferree

     Support groups for widows spring up in all sorts of ways. My GriefShare group from last fall just kept on meeting on their own for supper once a month----they are a support group!
     Joyce has attended a widows group in Dayton that started about 18 years ago when two young widows found each other and began reaching out to other widows---a long-established support group still going and growing!
     Joyce and I are in the picture with Carol, over in Indiana. We drove out there last Friday night for her "Gathering Place," a support group for widows and widowers. Carol hosts this support group in her home about once a month.
     Support groups meet in churches, homes, community rooms, restaurants, and even on-line. You might even say this blog is a form of a support group.
     All it takes for a great support group is 2 or 3 people and a promise from Christ:

"For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Matt. 18:20

Why not find---or create your own---support group today? If you can find another widow you can have your first "meeting." No curriculum or experts required. Just listen with your heart, share your stories, and pray together.

Let me know how it goes!

♥ ferree

Linda's Story: Moving? God's Got A Plan!

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 11:28:00 +0000

My blogger friend Sheila was writing about secondary losses on Our Journey To A New Normal the other day. That got me thinking about the great variety of losses widows experience, like friends who drift away, loss of identity as Mrs. Married Person, loss of the routine and familiar rythymns of life . . . sigh. Some widows lose really big stuff like income, homes and health, that's sorrow upon sorrow. But before I drag everyone down into a bog of despair, I've found two things that can help when facing those secondary losses.
1) Recounting God's faithfulness in the past. Tell your stories of other hard times you faced and how God brought you through. This a biblical practice that we all should be encouraged to do. It not only shores our faith, it also helps heal our grief and creates our legacy.
2) Look to the present to see ways God has prepared us for this change. Speak words of praise and thankfulness about it. James 1:2.

I set aside Wednesdays to tell our stories here on Widows Christian Place, they are such a source of inspiration and encouragement to me--they recount God's faithfulness, they remind me He prepares people for changes they'll face. My blogger friend, Linda, at Sparrow Scrolls helped me face my upcoming move and get the right perspective on it by sharing one of her stories with me. And I thought you might like to read it today, too. Although maybe you're not facing a move like I am, I think it's a great example of some of the plans God has for us. And even though her very last sentence was meant for me, maybe there's someone else out there who needs to hear it, too. Blessings on you, ♥ ferree

* * *

When Ken and I met, we had been in California for many years - he for about 35 and me for about 25. He was a native Iowan and I am a native Virginian.
After we married in 1987 things went well, but about five years into it we both started getting restless and uncomfortable in California for various reasons. We weren't totally against the idea of moving to Iowa - it was his original home and I didn't really care because I had no family to speak of left in Virginia. However, we both could not come to the decision at the same time.
One night after a particularly trying week of money issues, safety issues, etc, etc, we were having coffee at a local restaurant and Ken said, "For two cents I'd pack up all of our **** and head back to Iowa!"
I reached into my purse, gave him two cents and said, "Let's go."
Now please keep in mind Ken was not overly spiritual at the time and I was the one doing most of the praying asking for blessings and guidance, etc. (that thankfully changed as the years went on). About a year prior to this God had led me to feel there was to be a change in my life so when this opportunity came up I was at total peace.
This was the first of August, 1994. We contacted a realtor, got a list of things to do to make the house "sellable" and put it on the market one month later - thinking that since the housing market in Southern California had tanked and most houses stayed on the market a minimum of one year and an average of two that it would be a while before anything happened. The house sold in three days!!!!! Unheard of - we were the talk of every agent in town! So 30 days later after that, on October 1, we left California. A week later we started looking for houses here in Iowa. We found one that was suitable and in our price range. We found out that it had just recently become re-available after having had a long term financial hold on it dependent on the buyer getting funding. Guess what? This original hold had been placed on August 1st - the exact same day that we decided to move, and the hold was for 60 days! God held the house for us until we got here! So when I say, "God already has your house picked out for you," I really believe it!

Support Group Questionnaire

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Are you in a widows or singles support group or do you lead one?
I'd love to get some tips from you to share with other readers. Someday, your advice and input may help launch a few other groups!
Please Copy and Paste this quick questionnaire into a comment or an e-mail, and send me your answers. I'll thank you ahead of time for your help----
Thanks! ☺
* * *
I. What is the purpose of your group?

Grief support
Bible study
Social/Fellowship

II. Who does your group reach?

Widows only
Widows + widowers
All single women
All singles

III. Who started your group?

An individual
A church
A counselling center
Hospice
Other: __________

IV. Where does your group meet?

Community building
Restaurant
Home
Church
Online at _______________
Other:______________

V. How often does your group meet?

Daily
Weekly
Monthly
Other

VI. Do you use a guidebook or curriculum?

No
Yes: ________________

VII. And finally, is there anything you'd like to say about your group?

Thanks again!

Life After Death

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 12:00:00 +0000

For you have delivered me from death
and my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before God
in the light of life. Psalm 56:13

Dodging a bullet, crawling out unharmed from a burning car crash, outsmarting the maniacal murderer, outrunning the man-eating lion or space alien . . . yes, these Hollywood trappings used to define my idea of being delivered from death.

But now I know God delivers me from death in two very different ways.

First, as He did for my husband, Bruce, the day will come when God will gather me to Himself. I will breath my last breath here on earthc and take the next one in the refreshing, clear, bright atmosphere of heaven. I'll be delivered from death for eternity!

But the second way God delivers me from death is in the here and now. It's what I live on a daily basis

---there is live after death for the widow!

When Bruce died, I couldn't imagine what the rest of my life would be. It was an empty chalkboard. It was my 44th birthday. What would I do for the next 44 years of my life? I felt like I was cut in half! How could anyone exist if cut in half?

But slowly, God brought me back to life. Truly, I had been cut in half, for scripture does say "the two shall become one"---but half of me was still alive---and God was with me. God remained. He said He would never leave me nor forsake me, and although I often forgot that promise of His, it was true. He was the living vine, and I was a branch that had been pruned back. (John 15)

Widows survive. Better still, we branch out again. Eventually. New life begins to flow; fresh starts, new ventures, and unexplored regions of ourselves begin to uncurl. God delivers us from the death of our mate, and as we branch out and grow, someday we will blossom and lift our heads to the light of life.

Praying for Cows: A Real-Life Drama!

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 12:26:00 +0000

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matt. 10:29-31 (NIV)

Dear Reader, Lifeboat is a widows-only, private support group that I've set up on Facebook. It's a secret group, and won't show up in a search, so everything is confidential: what happens on Lifeboat stays on Lifeboat. But with Ruth's permission, I just had to document and share this little miracle that happened on Sunday. We've never prayed for a cow before, but because God cares for sparrows we know He cares for widows and cows!

Ruth: Friends please pray! A calf is trying to be born, but for the last 2 hours nothing but the feet are coming.... this is not going well... the cow won't let us get near her (I called a friend to help). My friend went to get his trailer & we're going to try to catch her & take her to his place where he has a chute; then he can pull the calf. Even the vet can't do anything till we catch her. I only have 3 cows & already lost one calf this spring.... can't afford to lose another. (posted Saturday at 9:07 p.m.)

Joyce: Praying for you and her and the calf.

Linda: Praying Ruth - let us know when calf is born!

Sandra: Praying right now!!

Shearon: Praying...

Ferree: praying, Ruth . . .

Theresa: prayer said, I'm hoping for the best turn out for you.

Shannon: Praying now

Joann: praying Ruth, I am so thankful some one is helping you. I have a hay wagon wedged in the pasture ....grrrr.

Ginny:Praying,

Ruth: Thank you thank you all who've been praying! she's caught & on her way....pray the calf is still alive! (posted at 9:47 p.m.)

Rose: I'm so glad you were able to get her caught. Praying for a live birth~

Joyce: Good, still praying and please keep us posted. Praying for you too, Joann. I don't know how you ladies do it. You are amazing.

Susan: Bless your heart ~ praying now

Esther: Praying for you, Ruth. I know what it's like to have to pull the calves--it's work! We had to pull one with a come-a-long once.

Ruth: Thank you for your prayers! The calf is alive! ...which is something of a miracle after 4 hours. It was breech, which is why it wasn't coming on its own. The next 24 hours will tell if there was any brain damage; we'll wait to see that it stands & suckles. (Posted at 11:29 p.m.)

Sandra:Oh, this brings tears to my eyes! I'm so thankful it's alive. Will continue to pray for it and for you and the mama cow.

Linda: We are mighty women of prayer! God is sooooo faithful isn't He! Please keep us posted Ruth - I think we can all agree that little calf is just as much ours as it is yours and more importantly is God's! Rose: Oh, good news!! Now for the next hurdle. Poor little thing ~ what a rough way to come into this world! Hope mama is ok and has lots of milk. Praying for them and you ~

Sue: Praying for mama and baby.

Cindy: Praying mama and baby have a good night and that you get some rest! (posted Sunday at 1:50 a.m.)

Joyce: (posted Sunday at 6:50 a.m.) Ruth, did the calf make out okay? Is the cow doing alright? Let us know, please. You came to mind when I awoke this morning.

Ruth: Yes, Joyce, Mama & baby are looking good. I posted a photo on lifeboat this morning :-) Thanks everyone for your prayers! (posted Sunday at 10:10 a.m.)

Here's our little miracle baby this morning: still a bit wobbly (naturally), and mama a bit nervous about me taking pictures. Thanks again for your prayers! --Ruth

If you're a widow and need prayer, or just need to know you're not alone, this blog and/or Lifeboat are the places to be! Members are from many regions, even different countries! And we're a variety of ages, with little children to adult children to without children. Married a few months, to many years. Widowed from a few days, to experienced and supportive. If you'd like to try Lifeboat, here's how: send me --Ferree Hardy--a friend request on Facebook and you MUST add the word Lifeboat to it. Send me a message if you don't get a response within 24 hours or have any questions. I will then add you to the group on a Tuesday or a Friday night, whichever is earliest.

♥ ferree

Someone to Cry With

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 11:23:00 +0000

Do you ever cry out to God, wondering where He could be? Wondering why is it that others are claiming you need to "get over it," and "move on," but you find yourself simply not ready yet, and not sensing that their admonitions have anything to do with the way God would intend for you to deal with this point in your life? Do you wonder why, in fact, God is quite silent at this time?

My blogging friend, Cynthia Bezek, has a rich and thoughtful post about a recent time when God seemed silent in her life. She offers no three-step program or footprints-in-the sand cliche's, but I think her experience might shed some light on your own. I know it was eye-opening to me and gave me a lot to think about.

Click here to visit her blog, Let's Talk, and the article on Grieving and Groaning with God. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter.
♥ ferree

Single Moms + Kids Retreat Update

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Last Thursday when I mentioned a fantastic retreat for single moms and their kids coming up in May at Word of Life Inn, Schroon Lake, NY., my blogger friend, Candy, went the second mile and called out to Word of Life. She found out that CD's of the retreat sessions can be ordered if you won't be able to attend.
Here's what Candy had to say about how to order a set:
The cost is $24 for the set plus $8 UPS shipping. They would need to send a check with their written order for the 2012 SINGLE MOTHERS AND KIDS CONFERENCE to Word of Life, PO Box 600, Schroon Lake, NY 12870 or call the front desk at 800-965-7177, tell them what Conference CD set they want, give them their credit card # over the phone, and ask them to give the order to the man who makes the CD's there.
Here is even more specific information on ordering that CD set. Send a check or call in a credit card number to the front desk Dawn Wayson or send a check to:
WOL INN
210 Registration Way
Schroon Lake, NY 12870

Thank you for this contact info, Candy!
And it's good to see a few more google friends have joined---welcome to Shirley (now on the blog roll with her Faith, Family and Friends blog), and Robin and Jek. I hope you'll find this a helpful and loving place to gain strength for your journey.

♥ ferree

P.S. There are some big changes going on in my life right now, and they are taking up a lot of time! Please bear with the sporadic posting. I'll be back regularly as soon as I'm able. Until then, poke around on the tabs at the top of this page, visit the blogs listed to your right, try searching for keywords, send me an e-mail, or find out about Lifeboat, my private widows support group on Facebook. Thank you for visiting, and check back often or subscribe by e-mail to get the latest entries. May God hold you close as you seek Him.

Basics Of The Grief Process

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 12:00:00 +0000

If you've read a bit about grief you've probably noticed key words like denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Those are the purported five stages of grief when someone is dying, as put forth by psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying, 1969. There is a difference between the grief of someone who knows they are dying, and someone who is mourning the death of a loved one, but Kubler-Ross's book was the source of today's common perceptions and misconceptions about grief. Grief can be very different for the Christian, but I think it's important to have a basic understanding of current thought, too, so we can examine where we're at and understand this fallen world.
People often think that these stages of grief are rigid phases one must go through one after another, but it's better to allow for some variance and flexibility. Each individual is unique and mourns at their own pace, with their own combinations and synonyms of "the stages." Grief is a variable process. I recommend the Christian book Grieving: Our Path Back to Peace by James R. White for a good explanation.

For a quick summary, however, I found a video clip for you today that addresses briefly outlines the journey and answers this question: I have heard that grief is a process. If that is true, then what are the phases of the process and will I ever be done with the grieving process?

You'll have to click on this link but it will be well worth the travel. You'll find a six-minute video featuring Dr. Henry Cloud with a good summation of the grief process. Christian psychologists Cloud & Townsend address many issues on their website, so you might find a lot more to interest you, too, if you visit their homepage.
I urge you to view this video. And then delve into this storm--become a student of your own grief. Learn about the process, recognize the phases or feelings of this letting go and surrendering experience.
Dr. Cloud talks about surrounding yourself with support structures and people who can hold you up. As he says, grieving is meant to be within community. That's the purpose of WCP, to reinforce and hold you; its one of a variety of places from which you can draw strength and support.

If you have a Facebook account, I've set up Lifeboat, a members-only widows support group. If you'd like to try it out, send a friend request to me, Ferree Hardy. Be sure to message me, too, with the word LIFEBOAT, and I'll add you to the group on Tuesday or Friday evening.

Whether you find helpful information, role models, one-on-one correspondance, or climb aboard Lifeboat, feel free to take what you need from Widows Christian Place. Also find friends, a church family, a grief support group and a few good books.

Like Cloud says, find a time, a place and people to grieve with who will provide relationship and support. And then, lean on them all and grieve, my friend. May the Lord fill you and make you whole again. ♥ ferree

Natalie Grant-Held-lyrics video

noreply@blogger.com (Ferree Bowman Hardy) — Sat, 07 Apr 2012 12:28:00 +0000

This holy weekend is so full of promises----Christ's resurrection brings hope of victory over death, the
gift of eternal life, and the precious presence of the Holy Spirit in life today---but people who "get it" understand the deep pain from which these promises were born.
I think that's why this song has impressed me---it, too, was born from deep pain. It has no pat answers, no cliches . . . nor is it full of the glorious words you'll hear in church for Easter. But I think it rings the Easter message quite clearly---when the sacred is torn from our lives we are. simply. held. Think of Mary at the cross while her Savior Son was crucified. How could she be there? How could she not?
Whether we can grasp that or not, God is with us, too. His plan prevails. This day of silence between the pain of Good Friday and the joy of Easter morning can represent a grieving person's time of mourning. It might last for weeks, months, or a few years for some, but in each case as she makes the daily choice between bitterness and wisdom, she is held.
Think on these things, rest in God's presence, and have a blessed Easter, everyone.
♥ ferree