Tuesday, June 11, 2013

What Do Other Widows Do On Father's Day?

For all of you with children, I was wondering if you've any tips and suggestions for dealing with Father's Day next Sunday? Have you developed new traditions? Do you ignore it? Acknowlege it? Attend church/skip church? Your answers might be key for other readers here at Widows Christian Place. To start us off, here are some comments from some women who've gotten past that first year.

JB: Ferree, right or wrong I have let my children decide. The first year was tough because my then 22-yr-old daughter's birthday fell on Father's Day. She was born on Father's Day and it only lined up one other time. She had been looking forward to that next time it happened again. I flew to Wyoming to spend the day with her and we ate brunch out and went hiking. My younger kids, whose ages ranged 10 to 15 chose to stay home and keep things quiet with one of their other older sisters. Last year they also chose to skip church and we just spent a quiet day at home. I didn't make a big deal of it, we all knew what was going on. We did talk about it in the days leading up to it. From what I am gleaning so far the choice this year seems to be to skip church and spend the day here. My kids at home are now 12, 14 and 17. Just like any of us, it is not that they couldn't make it through church, it is just that they don't want to sit and be reminded of what they don't have and how great it is.

TSB: Named days - growing to hate them! Not only do I miss the husband who was such a great dad and Gramps, it is the second anniversary weekend of my own Daddy's death. Last year I made charitable donations in the name of those two men. Not sure how my adult son handles it or if he is establishing a tradition.

AE: My kids are grown and Father's Day falls really close to the time their father died. So we are doubled up. I think my children are shifting focus to the father in their own families with, of course, memories of their great Dad. I will let it be their choice. I am with you TSB, I hate named days. I am more conscious of honoring my own father since my husband is celebrating with his Heavenly Father and reunited with his own father in paradise. What a party!

RO: We had our Father's Day a couple of weeks ago in our country. My son went out fishing with a friend. My little girls and I stayed home and talked about dad. I realized it was so important for them especially the younger one to know that the day was dedicated to dads, so she drew lotsa stuff for him which we stored in her memory box (everything she says about dad or draws for him is stored in there). We finally cooked his favorite meal together and everyone was happy!

BJ: My Dad died a year and a half before my husband died. We go away on Father's Day weekend to one of our favorite get aways. It is now a great vacation weekend. Praise the Lord! I/we work hard to keep heart and focus on The Lord. He takes care of me and my children. Our Father. And we are so grateful. Truly.

MG: Last year, our first Father's Day without him, I decided to take my kids to the beach and not acknowledge the day. I'm sure the older ones were aware of the day. My husband never liked making a big deal about Father's Day or Mother's Day. He would acknowledge the day but not plan anything specific. I think we will attend church and whatever happens, happens.

LVW:  Joe died on Father’s Day 2011. I have gone to church every Father’s Day since then and I will be there again this year. Last week at choir practice, the lyrics to the anthem we are singing next Sunday really hit me. So I thought I’d share them with you.
"Father's Day Medley"
In praise of fathers who put their trust in the Lord,
Who teach their children to love and live His holy Word.
With thankful hearts we lift this song to men who walk in love;
For fathers we give all our praise to the Father up above.
Thank you, dear Lord, for godly men,
Who, in their homes each day,
Lovingly lead their families
Patiently show the way.
Thank you, dear Lord, for Christian homes,
And for the peace we share.
When godly men on bended knee
Lead us to You in prayer.

It sure made me think of how thankful I am for my own dad who the Lord has blessed us with for 90 years. (By the way, he sings tenor still in choir!) And it also made me think that even when our husbands and our own daddies are gone from this world, that we have our Heavenly Father who is with us always through the Holy Spirit. I’m not saying that it’s easy by any means. I still cry and my heart aches- to be sure. But I try to focus my thoughts on celebrating all those fathers in my life who God has blessed me with……some here and some above. Immersing myself in thoughts of thankfulness on Father’s Day helps to balance the pain of remembering that first sad Father’s Day when I got the call that Joe was gone.


LD:  Father's Day ...without my Dad or Dave...let's just say I wasn't looking forward to it. Another widow put a different spin on the day. We have the most wonderful heavenly Father who loves us and never leaves us! So I will be celebrating Happy God The Father Day! To honor my Father I am planning on doing an act of kindness to show God's love in a practical way.

Aren't these helpful? This is a good look at what happens in our Lifeboat groups on Facebook. Contact me if you'd like to join. And let's hear your own ideas and tips in the comment box today.  
ferree


4 comments:

  1. With Father's Day this Sunday; I know this will be a difficult time for many widows and their child/children.

    ~God knows this and he is there for you.

    Psalm 68:5
    A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
    is God in his holy dwelling.

    As grief will sometimes return for many widows during this time; it can be so overwhelming..this is my Bible Verse for you. ♥

    Isaiah 43:2
    When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
    and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
    When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.


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  2. Beautiful reminders, Cathy. Thank you so much for spreading your compassion.

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  3. I lost my husband a year ago very suddenly~ he just dropped dead as he was chasing my cat~ who fell in water in our basement~he wanted to wipe him off and then just dropped and was gone before he hit the floor~I lived in a beautiful home in the Country in New Brunswick and knew I had to sell it~ as it was too much to handle alone and I was so isolated~ when he was alive we loved this part~I have one son who lives in Oakville Ontario~ so moved there almost immediately and bought a Condo~ I had to stay with him awhile and his Japanese wife was not very nice to me~ she still never bothers with me and his kids are rude~ but he is very good to me and does all my shopping and errands~I feel so alone and it is hard to meet new people at my age of 68~ everyone in the building sticks to themselves~ I miss my old life so much and am on medication for anxiety and sleep~I also became reclusive and I know this is not right~ but I can't help it~I freeze up whem I have to go out~ has anyone else experienced this I wonder~I was left well financially~I realize this is a Blessing~ yet it does not help my grief~I am not close to any of my siblings and people were not very supportive when I was alone~I did not even have a person spend the night with me~ has anyone here ever experienced these things~I look forward to night time to go to sleep~I hate cooking for myself and find the days so long~

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  4. Dear Anonymous, I'm so sorry for your loss. Such an unexpected and sudden death can be very difficult to adjust to, and then with you moving right away, you might also feel sad about no longer having that home too. You are right to recognize and appreciate your blessings, but I know how the silence of an empty house can become deafening, and the loneliness makes the days so long indeed!
    Are you on Facebook? If so, I know you'd love a Lifeboat widows support group. You'll find out you're not alone, and you'll make some online friends.
    Also make a list of the churches in your town. Read about them and find some that sound interesting to you. Visit their Sunday morning worship times and their women's groups. It takes me a long time to make new friends, but showing up is very important. Begin to reach out to other women and invite them to meet you for lunch.
    Another thing you might consider is a GriefShare group. Visit www.griefshare.org and see if there's one in your area, or contact your doctor or community services to see if grief counselling is available. Being in a new community, you'll just have to begin to start taking the initiative. It's hard at first, but keep at it, pray about it, ask God for help, and please let me know what happens.

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